


Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

by rage_quitter



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Western, Cowboy AU, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Wild West AU, there is plenty of fluff despite some of the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-09 13:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5541107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rage_quitter/pseuds/rage_quitter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan Haywood is head rancher in the frontier town of Achievement City. After his ranch hand left to become a cowboy, he's been short on help, until Gavin Free arrives. Now Ryan has to train him as a ranch hand, and it would be much easier without having to face some deeper fears and feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Look, the western au no one asked for! I have been working on this for months. To celebrate two thousand followers on my tumblr and as a Christmas celebration, my first completed multichapter story!
> 
> This takes place in the year 1878, in what later would become Nevada.

The sun beat down on Ryan Haywood’s back and sweat dripped down from his hair, hidden under his wide brimmed hat. His legs were sore and the light made him squint, even in the small shade offered by his hat. He gave a low whistle and the dog that had been laying in the grass a short distance from where he sat on his horse jumped to its feet, ears pricked. Ryan gave another whistle and the animal sprang into action. It started at a light jog, and then dashed towards a cow straying from the herd. The cow, startled, moved away from the dog, and towards the rest of the cows. Ryan whistled again, commanding the dog to check for any other stragglers. When it had finished circling wide around the herd spread across the large field, it stood still and stared at him, panting. Ryan gave one last whistle, a gentle tone, and the dog flopped in the grass.

Ryan swore under his breath as his horse suddenly shook his head, flinging his mane into Ryan’s face. “God dammit, Edgar! Stop that!” He sighed and looked upwards, squinting at the sky, estimating the time from the sun.

From somewhere behind him, Ryan heard a shout. He turned Edgar and spotted a smaller horse cantering across the grass, the figure astride waving an arm. Ryan lifted his hand in response and kicked Edgar into a trot to meet the rider.

The other rider was red faced and pale haired from the sun, a few years Ryan’s junior. He slowed his horse to a stop beside Ryan. “Hey, Kerry,” Ryan greeted the town’s only other cow herder. “You’re late.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I couldn’t find my hat.” Kerry looked sheepish.

“Well, sorry to hear that. I’ll let Jack know you’ll need aloe this evening. Try not to confuse King too much, okay?” Ryan reached over to clap Kerry on the shoulder. “And don’t let the cows stray again.”

“That was one time!”

Ryan raised an eyebrow. 

“Okay, twice. Sorry. I’ll be careful.”

Ryan smiled. “All right. See you later.” With that, he nudged Edgar into an easy trot, and after checking over his shoulder to see Kerry’s horse moving closer to the herd, urged Edgar into a canter. The saddle was uncomfortable on his already numb legs, but he wanted to get home and check with the town’s butcher.

That didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun. He grinned into the wind and spurred Edgar on again, and reached up to hold his hat as the black and white horse sped into a gallop, racing through the knee high grass. Ryan let out a whoop as the wooden buildings of town came into view. He regretfully slowed Edgar to a canter, then a trot, as he passed the farm a little ways outside of town. There was his house, connected to the large enclosed space for the cattle at night, and Kerry’s house was at the end closest to town. The barn for the horses was between their houses.

Ryan contemplated setting in Edgar early and heading home, but he really needed to visit town. With a sigh, he ignored the path leading to the farm and headed for the unorganized main street of town. Edgar slowed to a walk as they passed the outskirts and the low houses scattered about, their lawns more manicured than the wild grasses in the surrounding plains, but still fairly unkempt, in a homey way.

Achievement City was a small town, founded several years before by the father of the mayor and sheriff. There weren’t many people out this far west, but the town was fairly populated, being near a decent sized mountain-fed lake with rich soil and plenty of room for cattle. 

Ryan walked slowly down the main street, where he greeted the people he saw. Everyone knew each other here. 

He stopped at the butcher shop, tying Edgar outside. The butcher, a large man with a beard to rival the town doctor’s and a heart just as golden, was happy to chat with Ryan about options for cuts of beef and payments. When Ryan was about to leave, Adam asked him to deliver a letter to the town banker, apparently containing cash from a bet the two had had. Ryan rolled his eyes. Adam and Joel were always paying each other for their dumb bets in some form or another. Ryan agreed to deliver the notes.

With said letter tucked neatly in his vest, Ryan went back outside. The bank wasn’t too far, so he walked with Edgar’s reins in hand this time. He delivered the letter to Joel and was almost out the door before Joel called him back.

“Geoff wants to see you.”

Ryan frowned at the dark haired man. “What? Why?”

“I don’t fucking know. He came in here earlier asking about you.”

Ryan sighed. “All right. Is he at the bar or the town hall?” The town hall, the capitol building of Achievement City, was the mayor’s house on the upper floor, and the lower floor had the town’s small jail and a meeting room. Most town-wide meetings, however, were held outside or in the church at the other end of town. 

“Probably the bar,” Joel guessed. 

“Okay. Thanks.”

With that, Ryan was climbing back up on Edgar and walking slowly to the saloon. Whether or not Geoff was drinking would determine how willing Ryan would be to listen to him. Not that Geoff was a bad mayor-sheriff, or an alcoholic, but he got quite obnoxious when he was drunk, and Ryan was tired. 

When Ryan walked in the saloon, he spotted—or rather, heard—Geoff almost immediately. His size made him unassuming, but the man had tattoos covering his arms and chest, and despite the kind sparkle in his hooded blue eyes, there was an air of authority about him. He had a bottle in his hand and was laughing hysterically at something the bartender had said. 

Ryan’s boots clicked on the floor as he made his way to the bar and sat beside Geoff, who was calming down. “Mayor?”

“Oh, hey, Ryan!” Geoff said cheerfully. Ryan relaxed—he was sober, at least mostly. “Glad you found me.”

“You could have sent out a messenger, you know. I’m really not that hard to find.” Ryan shook his head at the bartender. “Just a cold tea, please.”

“Still not drinking?”

Ryan gave Geoff a suffering look.

“Yeah, okay.”

“So is there any reason you wanted me here, or did you just want to make jokes about my personal decisions about my alcohol consumption? Or I suppose, the lack thereof?”

“Oh, right. Yeah. Wanted to introduce you to someone, if he’ll ever show up.” Geoff looked over his shoulder, frowning.

Ryan straightened up in surprise. “Who is it?”

“Kid whose family had some ties with mine. He just got here today, and he’s looking for work. I’m not sure how much experience with horses and shit he has, but I heard you were looking for a new ranch hand.”

Ryan nodded. “Yeah, that’s right, after Ray left. It’s just been Matt and Jeremy comin’ by every day when they’re not working. Kerry and I have our hands full, between the cattle and the horses.”

“Okay. As soon as he gets here, you can work something out.”

“Who is this kid?”

“Well, I use ‘kid’ lightly. He’s twenty six. He’s staying with me for a while.” Geoff lifted his bottle to his lips.

“Okay, so what makes you think he’d be a decent ranch hand?”

Geoff shrugged. “Man, he just needs a job right now. I’ve only exchanged a couple letters with him, I don’t know if his family had horses or anything. For all I know for sure he’s a fucking painter.”

“Well, I ain’t gonna pay him to paint my horses.”

“Like I said, Ryan, I don’t know what he does or has done for a living. He didn’t even tell me exactly why he was here in the first place, and I’m not going to speculate. If he doesn’t know much about horses, I’ll pay you extra to teach him until he can do it himself, deal? And I’ll give him room and board, at least for a while.”

Ryan sighed. “All right, we’ll see. When is he supposed to get here?”

“He was supposed to be here like five minutes ago…”

Ryan’s mouth flattened into a line. 

There was a light wooden clatter as the doors opened again. Geoff turned his head. “Oh, finally!”

Ryan followed his gaze and felt everything stop for a moment.

He wouldn’t call it love at first sight, but damn, he was very pretty, even looking a little lost and his nose was a bit big and his hair was a mess. He spotted them almost immediately and hurried over to sit beside Geoff. “Hello, Geoff! Sorry I’m late.”

Oh, God in heaven, he was  _ English _ ? Ryan turned a surprised look to Geoff.

“Hey, Gavin.” Geoff said, ignoring the rancher’s expression. “So, Ryan, this is Gavin Free. Gavin, meet Ryan Haywood.”

“Hi, Ryan!”

“Hey.”

“So, I hear you’re hiring?”

“Yep. Are you any good with horses?”

Gavin shrugged. “I mean, sort of? My friend’s family had horses. Has, I guess, but yeah, I know how to ride ‘em.”

“I mean, taking care of them, feeding, tacking, scooping, cleaning?”

“Uhhh… Can’t be too hard, right?”

Ryan gave Geoff another look.

“Remember what I said, Ryan,” Geoff urged.

Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose. “All right. Whatever. We need the help, even if you’re not gonna be much help at all for a few weeks.”

Gavin’s face brightened. “So you’ll give me a job?”

“After I train you to care for my horses, yes.”

Gavin’s smile made Ryan’s heart skip a beat. He paid it no mind, keeping his expression cool and mildly annoyed under the brim of his hat. “Aw, thanks, Ryan!”

“Starting tomorrow.”

“What—tomorrow?”

“Yes. Tomorrow. I have the morning with the horses tomorrow and I go out to the field at one in the afternoon to switch with Kerry and watch the cattle. So you need to be at the farm by daybreak.”

Gavin looked uncomfortable. He turned helpless eyes to Geoff. “Hey, look, no one else needs help right now, okay? This is the only job available. And Ryan’s a great guy, once you get past his stupid little tough guy persona there.” Geoff gave Ryan a grin. 

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Go fuck yourself, Geoff Ramsey.”

Geoff laughed. “Gav, don’t worry, buddy, I’ll get you up and take you over, okay? It’s not a far walk, couple of miles.”

Gavin groaned. “Miles? God dammit…”

Ryan hid his smirk behind his glass of tea. “So, meet you at dawn, then? Gotta start early with horses. They take a bit of work. Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you the first day.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Ryan woke up with the barest hints of the sun peeking out over the horizon. The sky was a rich gray-blue, the stars were gone, and dew covered the grass. Ryan grinned as he opened his eyes. “Haha, fuck you, rooster, I got up first, asshole.”

He washed his face in a basin of water and changed into his work clothes. After a quick breakfast of cold coffee, smoked beef, and an apple—he never had time to cook—Ryan whistled for King to come down the stairs. The dog came zipping down, tail high.

“Hey, atta boy,” Ryan cooed to the dog, bending down to ruffle his soft ears. “You hungry?” 

King gave a not-quite bark, dancing on his paws. Ryan laughed and set a bowl of chopped up meat for him on the floor. The dog fell on it like he was starving. Which he certainly was not, Ryan made damn sure of that.

Once King was finished eating, Ryan collected his hat and strapped his revolver at his waist, along with a knife. He rarely ever needed them, but brought them, and his shotgun, when he went out to the field. He placed the hat on his head, whistled for King to follow, and headed outside. 

The fenced area for the cows, guarded by vicious dogs Ryan would have to feed soon, wasn’t far. He strolled along the road with King trotting at his side, the cool morning air comforting on his skin. He knew it wouldn’t last once the sun came up, so he would enjoy it while it lasted. 

Finally, after he went in the gate that led to the barn, the sun was showing its face. Kerry was already in the barn, tacking up one of the horses. “Hey, Ryan.”

“Hey, Kerry. Everything all right here?”

“Yep. She’s already eaten, too, don’t worry,” Kerry said as he strapped the saddle on the horse. “I’ll take them to the south field.”

“Okay.” Ryan found one of the shotguns hidden in a lockbox in the barn and passed it and its holster to Kerry. “Here, just in case. The lions are mean down there.”

Kerry nodded. “Thanks. Hey, you’re training some new guy today, right?”

“Yeah, Gavin. Hopefully he’ll make a decent ranch hand.”

“Good. It’s been a pain in the ass since Ray left.”

“Mmm. But he wanted to go on and run cattle with other cowboys. It’s better for him, y’know? He never seemed really happy in one place.”

“Yeah. But that’s what’s important, right? That he’s happy.”

Ryan snorted. “Get out of here, Kerry.”

“Okay.” Kerry led the horse out of the barn and whistled for King to follow him. Ryan followed them both outside and took care of the guard dogs as Kerry worked on rounding up the cattle and getting them out of the gate to the fields. 

As the herd ambled off into the dust, Ryan finished up with the dogs and was sitting up on the fence when he spotted a figure dragging its feet as it walked towards him. Ryan jumped down to the ground with a smirk, waiting for Gavin to make it. 

The Englishman practically collapsed at his feet. “Geoff bloody left me at the edge of town,” he gasped out.

Ryan laughed. “Well, look, you made it in one piece. That’s good.”

“Ughhhh… how in the world do you do this every day?”

“Practice. This is my life, Gavin, you get used to it, living out here. Let me guess, you’re from the city, ain’t you?”

Gavin grumbled at the ground.

“Come on, let’s get in the barn and get you a drink before you fucking pass out and I have to drag you.” Ryan climbed easily over the fence and turned to watch Gavin scramble not so smoothly over it. 

Oh, boy, he thought, this was going to be a challenge.

Gavin trailed after Ryan to the barn, quiet as he collected his breath. Inside, he gasped. “Oh! They’re lovely!” He darted to the first stall.

Ryan felt a smile on his face and shook his head. “We’ve got twelve horses here in total. Kerry, the other rancher, took Ruby out to the pasture with the cattle before you got here. You’ll meet them later.”

“What’s this one’s name?” Gavin reached a cautious hand forward to the horse.

“That’s Simmons. He’s pretty mellow, you can pet ‘im if you want.” Ryan leaned on the separator wall between the horse stalls and the rest of the barn, watching Gavin.

Gavin set his hand gently on the horse’s face, his eyes wide. “He’s very soft,” he commented as he lightly stroked its nose. 

“Yep. We wash them in the river every other week and as necessary, and brush them every other day. These are probably the most pampered horses west of the Mississippi.” Ryan could hear the pride in his own voice, but didn’t mind much.

“Are these all yours?” Gavin asked.

Ryan shook his head. “Nah, just the black and white one on the end there. Most of ‘em belong to various people in town who don’t have room at their own homes or the other farms nearby. We house the horses and care for them. For pay, of course, and most of them have said we can use their horses for herding if we need to.” 

“How many people are in town?”

Ryan shrugged. “Few dozen. There’s not a lot, it’s a pretty tiny town.”

“You don’t sound like you’re from around here.” Gavin scratched gently between Simmons’s eyes.

“Neither do you.”

Gavin looked annoyed. “Well, obviously. I’m from England. But most of the other people in town have more Northern American accents.”

“I’m from Georgia,” Ryan replied curtly. “Come on, let’s get started.” 

Gavin looked like he wanted to protest, but Ryan was already moving, collecting the basket of brushes and combs and picks. He grabbed a rope halter off a hook on the wall and dumped the basket in Gavin’s arms. “Here, we’ll start with Blake. She’s Arryn’s mare, and probably the calmest of the horses.” He walked to a black horse with a small white star on her face and slipped the halter over her head. He led her out of the stall. 

“Come on, Gavin,” he said. The Englishman hurried to keep up with the rancher’s brisk, long strides. “We’ll set her out in the ring first and get water and hay. Feed goes in their stalls, but they have bales to browse from when they’re out here. We’ll brush her and then muck out her stall.”

“Muck out?”

“Yeah. Scoop out the dirty straw and put in clean stuff.”

Gavin grimaced. “That doesn’t sound fun.”

“You want a fucking job?”

Gavin sighed.

“Then shut up.”

“Are Americans always this mean?”

Ryan opened the gate to the enclosure the cattle resided in at night. “Are English people really that nice?”

Gavin stopped. “No. Not really.”

Ryan gave him a worried look at his sudden change in tone. “You okay?”

Gavin forced a smile and said, “Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry. It’s nothing.”

“Okay. If you say so.” Ryan didn’t believe him, but it wasn’t his place to ask. He led the mare into the field and unhooked the lead rope from her halter. “Okay, now we need to get water and hay. Set the brushes by the gate.”

Gavin did. 

“See that big metal tub there?” Ryan pointed. “We have to fill that with water. It’s got a pump connected to a well. Have you used one before?”

“Um… no.”

“Okay, that’s fine. I’ll show you.” Ryan led him to the pump. “It’s a little rusty, so you’ll have to be a little rough, but don’t be too forceful. If it breaks the horses won’t have water, or we’ll have to run them down to the lake every day. You need to pull back this little bit here, which will free up the lever to move, like this. And then you just pump the lever.” Silently thanking his past self for the foresight to roll up his sleeves, Ryan gripped the lever and pulled it up, then pushed it down. After a few tries, water began to spill out of the faucet. “See?” 

Gavin blinked. “Yeah. It doesn’t look that hard.”

Ryan gave a few more pumps and stepped back. “Wanna give it a go, then?”

Gavin made a face, but stepped up and grabbed the lever. His arms strained as he pulled it up, and he had to lean on it to push it down. “Oh, god, that’s not easy.”

Ryan laughed. “I didn’t think it was that difficult.”

“Christ. No wonder your arms are so… beefy.”

“Beefy?”

“Yeah.” Gavin cleared his throat and went back to trying to pump the water. 

“That’s not a joke because I herd cattle, is it?”

Gavin laughed. “No, but I wish I’d thought of that!”

Ryan shook his head. “Do you want to go get a bale of hay?”

“Okay, sure. This is hard.”

“Yeah, it’s painful to watch you do that. The hay bales are in that barn over there. Take the ones in the front, the greener ones. They are not light. You can roll it if you need to, but please for the love of god, do not roll it over any mud puddles.”

“Aye, aye, sir!” Gavin gave a mock salute and dashed off.

Ryan went back to pumping water into the tub. He did not think about how Gavin’s face was so in awe by the horses, nor darkened at the cheeks when he’d spoken of Ryan’s arms. Dammit, now he felt self-conscious. 

When the tub was full, Ryan stopped the pump and locked the lever into place. He wiped his brow and turned to look for Gavin.

He was attempting to carry a bale of hay to the field, and very obviously struggling. Ryan watched amusement as the skinny Brit lifted it a few inches and shoved it forward over and over. 

With a shake of his head, Ryan walked over. “That’s enough. I’ll help you carry it, okay?”

Gavin huffed, but stepped to the side and looped his fingers under one of the ropes holding the hay bale together, mimicking Ryan. Together they lifted it and carried it sideways until Ryan ordered Gavin to set it down. 

“Okay, good.” Ryan cracked his knuckles absently. “Please tell me you’ve at least brushed a horse before. Or a dog. Or something.”

“Yes, actually, I have!” 

“Good, then this’ll be easier.” Ryan pointed to the basket of brushes. “I’ll tie her to the fence while you get that, okay?”

“Yes, sir.” Gavin jogged over to get the basket.

Ryan did as he’d said he would, and was relieved that Gavin at least knew how to brush a horse. It wasn’t hard, but he was glad there was something he didn’t need to teach him. 

“Okay, get me a pick. Have you picked a hoof before?” Ryan accepted the tool from Gavin.

“A couple of times,” Gavin replied. “It’s been a while, though.”

“All right, well, I don’t know if I trust you not to stab her in the frog, so watch, okay?” Ryan slid his hand down the horse’s leg until she shifted her weight off of it and he lifted it gently from the ground. “We do this twice a day, in the morning and before turning them in.” He picked out the horse’s hoof with exaggerated movements so Gavin could see better. “Don’t be afraid, it’s like digging dirt out from under your nails. Just be careful not to hit this area.” Ryan carefully traced the frog. “It could hurt the horse.”

“Yeah, I remember. Leavin’ crap in there can make ‘em go lame, right? So can hitting the little soft triangle.”

Ryan nodded and checked that he got all the gunk from the horse’s hoof and set her leg down. “You want to give it a try now?”

Gavin gulped, but put on a brave face and nodded. He took the pick and choose the other front leg. It took him a few tries to get Blake to lift her foot, but she was patient and well mannered. Ryan watched carefully as Gavin clumsily picked her hoof out. “Not bad. You’ll get better after a few tries.”

As Ryan picked the hind legs of Blake, he had Gavin start brushing her with a curry comb. Gavin talked softly to the horse as he did. Ryan hid his smile as he started combing the other side of the horse. At least this, Ryan didn’t need to show Gavin. Within a few minutes Blake was clean and Gavin had sweat beading on his face. 

Ryan patted Blake on the flank and unhooked the rope. “Good girl, Blake. I see a few carrots in your future.” She snuffled and walked off to get a drink.

“It’s already hot,” Gavin complained. “God.”

Ryan shrugged. “Yeah, that happens. That’s why I get up before the sun does. The more you can get done before it gets hot, the better.”

“I should get myself one of those hats.”

Ryan tipped the brim on his hat back slightly. “They’re really nice hats.”

“Looks nice on you.”

Ryan was taken aback. “Oh. Um, thanks.” 

“So what do we do now?”

Back on horse topic. Good. Horses, Ryan could talk about. “We get the rest of the horses out. Half of them were brushed yesterday, so we only need to pick them. The other five need to be completely brushed.”

“Okay.” 

The rest of the work was in quiet, both focusing on getting it done. Gavin asked a few times if he was doing something correctly, or Ryan would have to tell him how to do something else, but they turned out the horses much quicker than when Ryan did it on his own. 

Gavin’s shirt was sticky with sweat by the time they were done and it slicked his hair back. He collapsed under the shade of the barn. Ryan shook his head. 

“Here.” He tapped Gavin on the shoulder and when the younger man blinked at him, offered him a canteen full of water. Gavin eagerly accepted it, and seemed almost surprised when the liquid touched his tongue. 

“It’s not whiskey?”

Ryan laughed in surprise. “No. It’s just water. Best thing to drink when you’re working out here. Whiskey doesn’t hydrate you. It’s clean, don’t worry.”

“I thought cowboys drank like, whiskey and stuff.”

“Some do. I’m not a ‘cowboy’ in the sense of the word. I’m a rancher. My previous ranch hand is a cowboy, though. Cowboys drive cattle. You’ll meet him in the spring, if you stay here.”

“Why’d he leave?”

Ryan sat beside Gavin. “He just wasn’t happy in one place. Ray’s been here longer’n I was, tending horses. He’s damn good at it.  But I kept seeing him staring out into the distance with such a look on his face… man, I felt bad for him. I’ve never seen so much longing on a man’s face since Michael Jones first saw Lindsay Tuggey. The cowboys come ‘round every year to drive some of the herd east to Kansas and pay us for the last year’s. Ray found kinship with ‘em and he and Kerry and I talked about it and he decided to go with them this past spring.”

“And you haven’t had help with the horses since then?”

“Sort of. Matt and Jeremy, carpenter and blacksmith respectively, have been stopping by to help out, and sometimes one of the other folks in town’ll come down.”

“I’m glad I can be of help, then!” 

Ryan laughed. “You’re not gonna be much help yet. You’ve got promise, though, I’ll tell ya. We still need to muck the stalls and get the feed for the horses.”

Gavin groaned. “Five more minutes!”

“All right, all right, I’ll take it easy on your first day. Take a long hot bath tonight, or you’ll be sore as hell tomorrow.”

Gavin didn’t respond, but merely sprawled on the ground with the canteen in his hand, eyes closed. Ryan took the moment to examine him closer. He was very, very pretty. He felt guilty for his thoughts about the lovely Englishman, as he always did when he found himself attracted to another man. It would pass, though. 

Hopefully.

Ryan shook his thoughts from his head and nudged Gavin. “Come on, kid. We don’t have all day.”

Gavin gave a dramatic sigh and hauled himself into a sitting position. Ryan snorted in amusement and took back his canteen. “Up and at ‘em, Gav.” He startled Gavin by grabbing his hands and tugging him to his feet, gentler than he would have with most other people, but with force. 

“Prick,” Gavin mumbled, but he stretched and shadowed the rancher into the stable. 

“Wheelbarrow,” Ryan said, pointing. “And pitchfork. It’s not hard to guess what to do, yeah? I’ll get fresh straw, since I doubt you can carry it. Please be careful, I don’t want manure all over the barn.”

Gavin blanched, but nodded. Ryan went back outside to the storage barn. Behind the edible hay for the horses were bales of straw, and between them were barrels of corn and dried vegetables. Ryan hauled out a fresh bale of straw. Normally, the horse stalls didn’t really need too much straw, but Matt didn’t have much sawdust to give him yet, so they were stuck with mostly straw bedding for a while. 

When he brought the heavy bale back to the stable, he saw one of the stalls was fairly mucked out, but Gavin was nowhere to be seen. Ryan frowned and set the bale inside by the door. “Gavin?”

From outside, he heard a weak and miserable, “I’m out here.” Ryan rubbed his face and followed the sound of Gavin’s voice.

“Really? One stall was enough to make you throw up?” Ryan sighed at the sight of Gavin doubled over a scraggly bush.

“It’s the smell,” he replied, voice rough. “It’s… it’s really bad.”

Ryan patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. “Sorry, Gav. Horses have to piss, too.”

Gavin groaned. “I know. It’s not pleasant.”

“Human piss isn’t pleasant either. Calm down, you’ll just make yourself sicker. When you’re done, I’ll get you a drink, okay? I don’t want you backwashing in my canteen after that.”

“Okay,” Gavin said. “I just need a moment.”

Ryan nodded. “I have an extra canteen in the stable, I’ll put clean water in it for you.”

The canteen of water was hanging from a hook on the wall, and Ryan had started mucking another stall, when Gavin came back in, looking embarrassed. Ryan pointed wordlessly to the canteen on the wall. Once Gavin had cleaned out his mouth, spitting nasty water on the ground outside, Ryan said, “Look on that table. There should be a bandana on there. You can tie that over your face and it’ll block the smell some.”

“Thanks, Ryan.” Gavin found one, and was pleased by its shade of blue as he tied it over his mouth and nose. He took the other pitchfork at Ryan’s request and set to work on the stall on Ryan’s other side. They worked in silence for a few minutes. 

Ryan moved on to the next stall. 

“Hey, Ryan.”

“Hmm.”

“What’s Kerry like?”

“He’s about your age, with blond hair. He’s a pretty good guy, honest and hard-working, if a bit immature at times.”

“What about Geoff?”

“Well, you’re living with the guy.”

“Yeah, but I’ve only known him a day, except for the couple of letters. What’s your opinion on him?”

“He’s a fucking asshole, but he’s a good man. His father founded Achievement City before the war. Geoff’s the first person I met when I got here about ten years ago, and helped me get a job, too. His love for liquor is a little annoying, but I suppose I’m just the strange one, since I don’t drink.”

Gavin frowned at him over the stall partition. “Why not?”

“I… I just don’t like the taste,” Ryan lied. “Never have.”

“Hmm. Guess that’s a good enough reason as any.”

Ryan didn’t reply.

Gavin must have sensed a change in the mood, so he didn’t speak again as they finished cleaning the stalls. Ryan showed him how to add straw and even it out, and took the wheelbarrow of dirty stuff to the compost pile. He took longer than was necessary, probably, but Gavin could handle it himself. He was nearly finished when Ryan returned.

“So now that this is all done, what do we do now?”

“Well, I’ll be heading out to the field soon, and Kerry will be coming by. He might stop to check in on the horses, but he might have stuff to do in town. I’ll let the dogs loose before I go, and I could probably take you back to town if you want first. After a couple of weeks, you’ll probably be staying here to watch them during the day.”

“Oh. All right. Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think you want to eat cold meat with me or anything. I don’t have time to cook much.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Huh?”

Gavin looked embarrassed. “I’d sort of assumed that you had a bird at home.”

“A… bird?”

“A lady. Wife.”

“Oh.” Ryan coughed. “No, nope. No, uh, no wife.”

“Oh. I’d guessed otherwise, I mean, not to sound weird or anything. If you don’t mind my asking why?”

“Um… just… never found a girl I liked.” It wasn’t technically a lie. 

“Huh. Yeah, same, really.” Gavin laughed, though the sound was a little nervous. “Anyway, uh, lunch sounds great though. I don’t mind eating whatever it is you have.”

Ryan shrugged. “Okay, if you’re sure. I’ll put out the dogs and then we can go eat and rest a bit before I take you back to town.”

Gavin followed Ryan to the dogs’ kennel. The animals were not like King. They were trained to guard the livestock and kill anything that tried to get past them. They had a ring between the outer and inner fence of the ranch, and spread out upon their release. Ryan warned Gavin not to go near them. “They will kill you and eat you. These are not pets,” he said. 

The walk along the road by the fence to Ryan’s house was quiet. Gavin looked tired and moved a little stiffly, but to his credit didn’t complain. Ryan respected him for that, and made a mental note to think about getting him a hat at some point. The blue bandana was loose around Gavin’s neck now, much like the black one on Ryan’s. 

“Is that your house?” Gavin asked.

“Yep. It’s pretty big, but trust me, it’s pretty unimpressive. I don’t really spend much time there.” Ryan shrugged. “It belonged to the previous ranchers. They moved to some other town a little while after I got here.”

“It’s lovely!” Gavin gaped at the building.

Ryan laughed and led him to the front door. “You say that now.  _ Bienvenido a mi casa _ .”

“Oh. Yeah, you’re right.” Gavin stopped in the threshold to peer into the fairly bare house. “Huh. Wait, was that Spanish?”

“Yeah. I know a little. Ray taught me a bit before he left, but my Spanish speaking skills are rudimentary at best.” Ryan scooted around Gavin. “As are my cooking skills. Sorry in advance.”

He did manage to prepare a decent meal. Or rather, Gavin did. Gavin offered his help, and Ryan declined; he was the guest, after all. When he nearly burned the meat Gavin sighed and moved him away from the stove. 

They ate in quiet, each with a glass of tea with their meal. Gavin’s eyes, which Ryan could see now were bright hazel, were roving over the house, as if examining everything in the most scrutinizing detail. Ryan left him to it, enjoying the peace and companionship, strange as it was to him. 

Ryan excused himself once he was finished eating. Gavin looked surprised that Ryan had eaten so quickly.

“Just to the outhouse, I’ll be back in a minute,” he explained.

When Ryan came back in, Gavin yelped his name, startling him, but he sounded excited.

“Ryan! You play guitar, Ryan?”

Ryan spotted what made Gavin so excited. The instrument was sitting on a stand in the main room. “Yeah, I do. I don’t play too often, I don’t have much time.” He shrugged.

“Can you play it for me?” 

Gavin’s eyes were pleading. Ryan swallowed the lump in his throat. Fuck him, that was very cute. “Maybe some other time,” he said. “I’d love to, but I really need to take over for Kerry.”

“Aww.”

“Hey, if you’re gonna be working here, there’ll be plenty of chances for me to play, right?”

Gavin beamed at him. “I’m excited! You didn’t really strike me as the musical type.”

“Why not?”

“Dunno. You’re all… tough guy with a gun and shit.”

Ryan grinned. “I am a man of many talents, Gavin. Shall we get going?”

They headed back down to the stable. Gavin chattered away this time, talking about his home back in England. Ryan noted that he didn’t mention his family at all, but paid close attention to his words. He was very animated. 

Gavin continued to talk happily as Ryan changed his work boots for his riding boots and strapped his shotgun against his back. He finally fell quiet as they went back outside.

Ryan whistled to Edgar. As he caught the horse’s halter and hooked on the lead, he asked Gavin, “Do you want a ride back to town?”

“Sure, thanks! I do not want to walk that far again, ugh.”

Ryan laughed and brought Edgar in the stable to swap the halter for the bridle and saddle him up. Gavin seemed to know at least a little about tacking up a horse, and assisted without Ryan asking. “You’ll be able to walk that without breaking a sweat in a few days, don’t worry.”

Gavin sighed. “In the meantime I’m gonna want to die, aren’t I?”

“Probably. Dammit, Edgar, hold still, you stupid horse!”

“He’s a little feisty, in’ne?”

“Yeah, he’s a piece of work, but he’s my best horse. He just likes to be an asshole. Hey, if you don’t stop that, you won’t be getting any carrots tonight,” he threatened.

Gavin laughed. “Why’s his name Edgar?”

“It was the name of a calf I had as a kid. I don’t even remember why I named it Edgar. I was like, four. I just sort of ended up calling most of my animals Edgar since then. Except for King.”

“Who’s King?”

“My dog. I got him a few years ago. Best herding dog I’ve ever seen. He’s my dog, but he loves to be out in the field with the cattle so Kerry takes him out too. That’s where he is now. He’ll love to meet you.” Ryan worked on getting the saddle strap into place.

“When can I meet him?”

Ryan shrugged. “Dunno. Soon, though, probably.” Ryan grunted as he pulled the strap into place. “Finally, there we go.” He grabbed the reins and used them as a lead as they exited the barn.  “We can ride double for a little while, but I don’t want Edgar to get too sore before we go out, so I’ll walk alongside about halfway there.”

“Okay,” Gavin agreed. “I don’t want you to hurt your horse.”

Ryan patted Edgar’s neck. “Yeah. He’s a good horse, even if he’s a shithead. I’ll get on first, and you can use the fence posts to get on behind the saddle, okay?”

“Got it.” 

Ryan tugged Edgar to the fence outside the ranch and the spurs of his boots clicked loudly as he put his foot in the stirrup and hauled himself astride the horse. Ryan held the reins and eased Edgar as close as he could to the fence. “Okay, Gavin. Be careful.”

Gavin climbed up the fence posts and Ryan held out his hand to help him steady himself as he awkwardly slid his leg over the horse. “On the saddle pad, that’s it. Don’t move around too much.”

Gavin gripped the saddle in front of him tightly. “Oh, god,” he commented. “This doesn’t feel safe.”

“Easy, Edgar, easy, it’s only for a little while,” Ryan soothed the horse. “Gavin, you can hold on to me if you need to. I’ll take it easy.” He nudged Edgar into a walk.

“How long is this gonna take?” Gavin asked.

“At this pace, it’ll be a little faster than if you walked alone. It’s safer, too. There hasn’t been a lion attack in a while, but you never know.”

“Lion?” Gavin sounded afraid.

“Cougar, panther, whatever the hell you want to call it. There ain’t too many around here, but they are a risk. The wolves, too, and coyotes, they come ‘round to get the chickens and goats sometimes.”

Ryan felt himself stiffen slightly as Gavin’s arms wrapped around his torso as he spoke. “Uh, sorry,” Gavin said. Ryan could feel his breath lightly on his neck. “I’m a little scared now.”

“It’s okay. You’ll be fine, Gav. I’ve killed plenty of them in my time.”

“How many?”

Ryan inhaled as he thought. “Um… at least three lions in the past ten years, several wolves, couple coyotes. That’s not to mention the bandits, but this far out, there aren’t many. And the Indians are pretty far from here, too. I dunno if there were any here before the town, but they haven’t been around since I’ve been here. Only saw a few Indians before, actually, working with the cowboys. Nice fellas.”

Gavin’s arms were warm on Ryan’s chest. Ryan ignored it, and hoped that his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “It’d be cool to meet an Indian,” Gavin commented.

“They’ll come ‘round in spring, with Ray’s group. I’ll introduce you.”

“Ooh, I’m excited.”

“Don’t you get any ideas about becoming a cowboy,” Ryan joked. “Ranch hands are hard to come by.”

Gavin laughed. “I have no plans of going anywhere yet,” he assured. 

“Yet,” Ryan repeated.

“Don’t worry, Ryan. You’ll get sick of me soon, anyway.”

“Nah, you’re pretty interesting.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We don’t get a lot of new folks here, so a fresh face is always exciting. And an Englishman?” Ryan turned his head to give Gavin a grin. “You’re a mystery, kid.”

“Speak for yourself! I’m trying to figure out your whole little persona thing going on here. If I’m a mystery, you’re a damn encrypted code in a locked box!”

“That’s a new one,” Ryan said with a laugh. 

“Do you like to read?”

“Yeah, do you?”

“What kind of books do you read?”

And thus began a game that would never end. They took turns asking questions, getting to know each other. Halfway to Achievement City Ryan stopped them to get off of Edgar, and walked beside Gavin with the reins in his hand. It was about as fast, really. Ryan easily kept up with a walking horse. 

At the entrance to town, they stopped. Ryan helped Gavin off the horse.

“That was… not as bad as I thought it would be,” Gavin said. 

“It’s a lot of work, but it’s rewarding,” Ryan said. “You’ve got a lot of promise.”

“I’ll come back tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. Kerry can help you in the morning. In a few days you can probably stay the whole day and help turn in the horses before the cattle come back. But for now, just stop by in the morning.”

“All right.” Gavin hesitated. “Will I see you again tomorrow?”

Ryan shrugged and cursed his leaping heart. He was a grown man, for God’s sake! “If you get there early enough, possibly. We have to get the cattle out there real early in the morning. It’s fine if you don’t, there’s the next day.”

“Guess we’ll have to see! Depends on if I can even walk.” Gavin rolled his shoulders. 

“Like I said earlier, a hot bath works well.” Ryan clapped Gavin on the shoulder. “Keep the bandana, by the way. Looks nice on you.”

Ryan wasn’t sure if it was because of the sun and heat, but Gavin’s cheeks darkened. “Thanks, Ry.”

“Course. See you ‘round.” He mounted Edgar and turned the horse.

“Bye, Ryan! See you later!” Gavin waved enthusiastically.

Ryan grinned and waved back before spurring Edgar into a canter with a “Hee-yup!” 

He spent the entire afternoon and evening alternating between cursing himself for being so damned smitten with Gavin, and wondering if there was any chance in heaven, hell, or even purgatory that he might have some shot with the annoying, and annoyingly charming, Englishman.


	3. Chapter 3

When Ryan reached the ranch two days later, he was alarmed to see Gavin laying on the ground in front of the gate. “Gavin!” He called. He darted to him, and felt weak with relief for a moment when Gavin sat up. “What the fuck are you doin’?”

“I wanted to get here early,” Gavin said, sounding tired. “I almost fell asleep again.”

Ryan shook his head. “You had me worried there, laying on the ground like that. Lord, don’t do that.” He held out a hand and Gavin accepted the help up. “How’d it go yesterday?”

“Kerry’s not as helpful as you,” Gavin said as Ryan opened the gate. “He’s nice, but far less impressive than you. Not nearly half as scary, too.”

“Am I scary?” Ryan gave him a wide grin.

“Little bit, yeah. You look like you could snap me in half.”

“I probably could. I wouldn’t, though, don’t worry.” 

“That’s reassuring,” Gavin said sarcastically.

Ryan laughed. “Why would I kill the help?”

“Oh, I’m just the help, am I?

“Yeah,” Ryan joked. He elbowed Gavin as he opened the stable and lit the lamps. “Nah, I’m kidding. You’re great.”

“Aw, lovely Ryan.”

Ryan’s fingers slipped on the lamp and the fire licked his fingers. He yelped and jerked his hand back. “Ah, son of a bitch!”

“Ryan!” Gavin hovered over him, concern on every feature of his face. “Are you okay?”

“Fuck, that fucking hurts,” Ryan cursed. “Water, I need to rinse this off.”

Gavin scrambled to get the canteen from the hook. “Oh, there’s some left! Here!” He unscrewed it. “Hold out your hand.”

Ryan gripped his wrist, holding his hand in front of him with his fingers gingerly splayed. He hissed as Gavin poured the water slowly over his hand. “Fuck me, I’m a fuckin’ idiot,” he grumbled.

“Oh, stop bein’ a baby,” Gavin said. “Just a little burn. I thought you were supposed to be a tough guy!”

“I do try to avoid stupid injuries,” Ryan said drily. 

“It’s hardly even a problem! It’ll hurt for a while and go away on its own in a few hours. Wrap it up if you need to.” Gavin poured the last of the water over the burn.

Ryan furrowed his brow. “How do you know?”

“I have a little medical knowledge. This is nothing, really. I’ve had way worse.”

Ryan blinked as Gavin examined the redness of his fingers. “You?”

“Mmm. Yeah. I’d rather not get into it, but I’ve had some, uh… accidents that were not pretty.” Apparently satisfied, Gavin let go of Ryan’s hand. “You’ll live.”

Ryan was still worried. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Gavin gave a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s fine, don’t worry. Doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Ryan looked down at his hand. “Damn… I should get more aloe around here.”

“Aloe?”

“Yeah, it’s a plant that grows all over the place around here, it makes a pulp that’s damn good on most wounds, especially burns and cuts. Jack, he’s the doctor around here, he keeps purified pulp in jars. I used to have a big jar of the stuff, but we ran out a few days ago.” Ryan found some old cloth and carefully wrapped it around his fingers. The labor would irritate the burn more. Better safe than sorry.

“I could stop by Jack’s office this afternoon and bring in a jar tomorrow,” Gavin offered. “Might be a good excuse to meet the doctor on non life-threatening terms, too.”

Ryan snorted and the two began to work on getting the horses ready. “Sure, thanks. I’ll give you some cash before takin’ you back to town this afternoon. Assuming you want me to take you again. Kerry said he let you walk yesterday.”

Gavin nodded. “Yeah. Geoff did meet me a little ways down the road. I was scared out my damn mind the whole time though! Thought I saw lions in the corners of my eyes.”

“Do you know how to shoot?”

“Like a gun?”

“No, like a chicken. Yes, a gun!”

Gavin giggled as he put a halter on Blake. “A chicken. No, I’ve never fired a gun before. I’m not shabby with a bow, though.”

“Really? Archery’s not a common skill around here,” Ryan said, impressed. “I’m pretty shit at it myself. A gun’s your best bet against a lion or bandit though. Archery’s probably better for hunting.”

“Can you teach me?”

“Sure. We’ll need to figure out a time, though.” 

They led two horses outside.

“What if I came along with you to the field with the cattle?” Gavin asked. “Not today.”

“I’m worried you’ll hit one of ‘em.”

“Nah, we can shoot away from them! Make targets or something.”

“That’s not a bad idea. Next time we work together, okay?”

“Great!” 

Ryan’s heart stuttered at Gavin’s pleased grin. 

They chatted casually about asinine things as they went about getting horses from the stable. Conversation stopped as Gavin volunteered to pump the water and Ryan went to get the hay and take care of the dogs. He was impressed by how full the water tub was when he was finished. “See? You’re gettin’ better every day,” he approved.

“When Geoff told me about this sort of job, I didn’t really expect this much work,” Gavin said. “And then I thought it would be awful after that first day, but it’s not bad.”

“I’m glad.” Ryan helped with the last few pumps of water. “Gotta say, I like havin’ you around.”

“Aw!” Gavin smiled widely. “Ryan, you’re lovely.”

“That’s one word for it,” Ryan said, his expression mimicking Gavin’s. 

The work went by much quicker that day than last time. Gavin was a quick learner, if clumsy and unskilled. With the horses set out, Ryan and Gavin relaxed in the shade of the stable, and Ryan pulled out a deck of cards. 

Ryan found himself opening up to this stranger. He’d known him three days and was half in love with him, and knew fuck-all about him. It was bizarre, and normally he was closed off to anyone he didn’t know, but something about Gavin chipped and chiseled away at the armor of his persona, and he welcomed it. Geoff and Ray were the only other ones who had gotten past his armor entirely. 

And yet, he was sitting in the shade, playing cards with an Englishman in a tiny town in what wasn’t even a state, telling him about his childhood. 

He did leave out the bad parts, of course.

And as the next week went by, and then the next after that, until three days turned into nearly three weeks, Ryan couldn’t keep Gavin out of his head. Or his house, either, it seemed. The man was a decent cook, at least. Ryan caught himself staring at Gavin when he was pumping water or talking to the horses or even just adjusting his bandana around his neck. He hated himself for the thoughts he had about the man who was quickly becoming a very good friend. It was more than just a crush, it seemed, as he looked over at Gavin sitting proudly on top of the town’s preacher Burnie Burns’ horse, Epsilon. 

Gavin had improved drastically in the time he had been in Achievement City, and was quickly becoming a well-liked member of the town. Geoff’s deputy Michael found a kinship with him and the two were fast friends, despite the trouble they seemed to stir up constantly. Ryan worried that Michael’s fiery temper might have an impact on Gavin, especially if Michael wanted to show him how to use dynamite.

But today, Gavin was joining Ryan in the field with the cattle. It was a hot afternoon, as most were, but not as bad as it had been. Ryan was sure that summer was coming to a close soon. 

Ryan whistled for King to herd back a few stragglers while Gavin watched the dog with interest. “It’s cool to watch him do that,” he said. 

“King’s the best herding dog you’ll ever find,” Ryan said. “Never in my life met another one as excellent as him.”

“He’s a cute little guy, too.”

“Yeah, he is.”

Gavin squinted out over the horizon, and it reminded Ryan to look into getting him a hat. “So can you teach me to shoot?”

“Yeah, sure. You okay with it right now?”

“Yep.” 

Ryan slid off Edgar’s back, and his spurs clanked loudly as he landed. “Get down here and I’ll show you.”

The first thing Ryan did was take all of the bullets out of the revolver. He worked first on basic use of the gun, and Gavin hung on his every word, and then on to holding and aiming. 

“No, no, straighten your arm a little more. You’re tilting it sideways,” Ryan said. “You’ll hurt yourself holding it like that.”

Gavin huffed and readjusted his arm. “Like this?”

“Almost. Still a bit crooked there.”

“Ryan, help.”

Ryan rolled his eyes but moved to Gavin’s side and moved his arms to the proper position. “This is the safest way to hold it when you fire. That’s not to say how you’ll always hold it, but for now, this is the most important.”

He showed him how to aim the gun, and warned him again not to point it at anything he did not want to shoot. Gavin rolled his eyes at the repeated warning, but nodded. Then he showed him loading the gun and spinning the barrel and a bunch of other things that were probably going over the Englishman’s head at the time, but he paid close attention regardless.

Ryan didn’t let him shoot it, but promised that the next time, he could. Gavin seemed very excited.

They were both tired and hot by the time the afternoon was winding down and the time came to drive in the cattle. Gavin was still chattering away as they rode side by side. Ryan found himself paying less attention to his words and more to his voice and his lips and the stubble on his jaw that he really wanted to touch and- 

He really needed to stop. 

On the way back to town later, Ryan decided to ask Gavin something that had been bothering him for a while. “Hey, Gav?”

“Yeah, Ry?”

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’m curious to know… why did you leave England, and come here, of all places? Not that I’m not glad you’re here, of course.”

Gavin shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down. His previously chipper expression had turned somber. “I…” he swallowed. “My parents found out that I was doing something… bad. I guess. I don’t think it was all that bad, but. You know. And they were going mental about it, just being awful, and it was really bad and I couldn’t take being there anymore. Being treated like a monster, a freak… they kept sayin’ I’d go to hell…” he shuddered. “So I left. Geoff’s family was friends with my friend’s family and I found out his father made this little town in the middle of nowhere so I decided to just… start over.”

Ryan hesitated before resting his arm on Gavin’s shoulders. “I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t help much, really, but I’m glad you’re here now and out of that kind of environment. Whatever you did, it couldn’t have been that bad. Unless it was murder. It wasn’t murder, was it?”

Gavin laughed and leaned into Ryan a bit as they walked. “No! I didn’t kill anyone!”

“Good! Can’t be associated with murderers, right?”

“You said you’ve killed people before!”

“Bandits! They’re hardly people!”

Gavin snickered. “All right, ya maniac.”

“In all seriousness, though, I’m happy you’re in a safe place. Is this better or worse than England?”

Gavin shrugged. “England’s really nice, and I guess I’m a city lad at heart, but I really really like it here. It’s so open and there are so many stars, and everyone is so nice. It’s like a big family.” His smile was ear to ear as he looked up at the sky. 

Ryan’s face softened. “I’m glad,” he said again. 

“What about you? You’re from Georgia, right? Why’d you come here?” Gavin tipped his face to look at Ryan.

Ryan swallowed nervously, and turned his face away. “I, uh. Well, I told you I grew up on a plantation, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Pa was… he wasn’t a good man. People thought he was great. Your typical white God fearing farm owner. But when he wasn’t at church or entertainin’ guests he was drinking or yelling at the slaves.” Ryan dropped his arm from around Gavin. “Pa was an asshole. And I didn’t want none a that kinda life. I did not want to be a slave owner.” He spat the words in the dirt with disgust. “So I left. Soon as I was old enough I got a horse and I headed out here. Everyone’s free and everyone’s equal out here. Don’t matter your color, your age, your past, so long as you’re a good man and you do a good job.” 

“Aw, Ry, I’m sorry.” It was Gavin’s turn to put Ryan in a half-hug this time. “At least it’s illegal now, right? After the war and all.”

Ryan shook his head. “I guess, but you really think that’s gonna stop these kinds of people? Thinkin’ they own other people… it’s why I prefer the company of animals, really. They don’t try to tell you who you are and what you can and can’t do.” Ryan’s fists clenched as he remembered, so very clearly, again, the words his father spit at him when he’d found out.

Gavin stopped walking, and with his arm still around Ryan’s shoulders the older man paused as well. He was startled when Gavin pulled him into a tight hug. After a second, Ryan let his arms snake around Gavin, and he could feel his heart beating too fast in his chest pressed against Gavin’s. It had been a long time since he’d had an embrace like that, and longer since one with someone he had a crush on, and he couldn’t deny it anymore. 

“People are assholes,” Gavin said, speaking past Ryan, unwilling to let go yet, apparently. “But you’re right. Out here, it doesn’t matter.”

Ryan nodded, his hat brushing the top of Gavin’s hair. “Thank you, Gavin. Just…” He pulled back slightly to look at him. “I haven’t told that many people about my father. Geoff knows. Michael knows, some of it. Please… don’t tell anyone else, okay?”

Gavin bobbed his head. “Right! I’m here for you, Ry. We’re friends, after all!”

Ryan’s throat knotted up. “Yeah. Right.”

Gavin let him go and they continued their trip, in quiet this time. Ryan kept an eye on the shadows and tried to calm his churning mind and emotions as he struggled to move his attention away from Gavin. 

He went with Gavin to Geoff’s this time, and asked if he could talk with Geoff elsewhere for a bit. After a slightly-awkward-on-Ryan’s-part goodbye, Geoff led Ryan to the bar.

He got something alcoholic for himself and tea for Ryan, since Ryan was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to order anything. 

“All right, Ryan,” Geoff started. “What the hell is your problem?”

Ryan’s shoulders slumped. “Gavin. Gavin is the problem.”

“Is he not good at it? I thought you said he wasn’t bad at being a ranch hand.”

Ryan shook his head. “No, that’s it, he’s great at it. He’s just… great at a lot of things, it seems. And I seem to be quite smitten with him.”

Geoff looked surprised. “What-really? With Gavin? Free? We’re still talking the same little English kid who can’t talk like an adult and sounds like a bird half the time and trips over his own two feet, right?”

“Yes,” Ryan said in defeat. “And I’ve been trying to ignore it but, fuck… I didn’t expect to like him like this.”

“And he has no idea?”

Ryan shook his head. “No. I mean, how could I? He’s from such a very God fearing country, what would he think, knowing I like men?”

Geoff shrugged. “He didn’t seem all that bothered when I told him about Griffon and I.”

Ryan nearly choked on his tea. “Geoff!”

Geoff held up his hand in defense, the other too busy holding his glass. “It’s no secret! It’s not like it matters, anyway, we’re happily married.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Okay, but that doesn’t help me at all. I don’t know what to do.”

Geoff shrugged. “I can’t tell you what to do. You can go on heartaching after him, or you can tell him.”

Ryan groaned and slumped forward, leaning on the bar. “But that could ruin everything. He won’t want to work with me, he won’t be my friend. What are the chances that he’s, you know, like me?”

“I dunno. You could ask him, though. That’s always an option.”

“If he’s attracted to men?” Ryan snorted. “Yeah, ‘Hey, Gavin, are you into sodomy?’ That would go over well.”

“Have a little more tact than that!” Geoff sighed and took a drink from his glass. “I can talk to him if you want.”

Ryan looked nervous. “Without mentioning names, right?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Geoff thumped Ryan on the back. “Whiny baby.” He looked thoughtfully into his glass. “Actually, I think I have an idea.”

Ryan looked up.

“Serenade the kid! He’s never heard you play before, right?”

“No, but he knows I play guitar.”

“You and half the other folks in town, probably. Just play something for him, you know, outside the window at night or something, his secret admirer.”

“Like something right out of a novel, huh?”

“Oh, shut up.”

Despite his second thoughts, Ryan really liked the idea, as he was heading home later. The trip was peaceful, and once he was inside and the lamp was lit, he picked up his guitar and sat down in one of the old wooden chairs. His fingers danced across the strings as he checked to see if it was tuned. When he was satisfied, he wracked his brain to think of any tune he could play.

Fuck it, he thought. He was going to do this tomorrow night anyway, as he’d discussed with Geoff. Might as well be extra stupid and live in the moment.


	4. Chapter 4

The next night, Gavin was exhausted. He’d been perpetually tired after working on Ryan and Kerry’s ranch, but he had surprised himself with how much he liked it. It was hard work, more than he’d done back in England, and he was proud of how much he’d improved since started.

He didn’t get to see Ryan that day, which he wasn’t really happy about, but Ryan had told him to just head home on days he worked with Kerry for now. So here he was, in his room in Geoff’s house, reading a book by candlelight. Geoff was probably asleep by now, or possibly discussing mayor type things downstairs. He didn’t really care. Not his business, after all. 

Gavin was startled by a light tap at his window. He looked up at it, but didn’t see anything. He turned back to his book, only to hear another, and then a third. He set his book down and got up to look outside.

He jumped as another pebble ricocheted off the wall beside the window, and opened it to call outside, “Oi, who the hell’s throwing rocks?”

There was silence for a moment. It was too dark to see much, even as he squinted at the ground.

Then he heard music. It was soft at first, almost hesitant. Gavin leaned forward a bit to search for the source, and spotted a shadow under the tree. He couldn’t make out much, though, not nearly enough to see who they were. 

After minute of the shy sounds, the mysterious musician played louder, and it was beautiful. Gavin rested his hands on the windowsill and stared down at the shadow. It struck him then that this was for  _ him _ . Those pebbles were aimed at his window. 

Gavin had no idea who it could be, or why, although he suspected it was a romantic gesture. But he’d only been here a few weeks, who could possibly want to romance him? He also only knew of one person who played guitar… but no way it was Ryan. No way Ryan Haywood liked Gavin. 

He leaned against the edge of the window, a serene expression taking over his face as the lovely chords swirled around his ears. They were damn talented, whoever was playing. He could listen forever. 

There were no words, but none seemed to be necessary. The music calmed again, back to a similar gentle mood as the start, less shy this time. Gavin sensed it was coming to a close, but the last note trailed off suddenly. Gavin tipped his head curiously. 

The shadow under the tree moved. Gavin barely made out the shape of a guitar being moved before the figure stepped back.

“Hey, wait!” Gavin yelled, holding an arm out the window.

The figure paused. Gavin held his breath.

They turned and raised a hand to Gavin. Gavin waved back, his other hand gripping the windowsill tightly so he wouldn’t tumble out. Then they moved back behind the tree.

Gavin couldn’t catch sight of the figure after that, despite how much he squinted into the darkness. He stayed at the window until the mosquitoes forced him back inside, and even then watched out the window for several minutes. He jumped when there was a knock at the door of his room. “It’s open,” he called, not turning.

The door clicked open. Gavin watched Geoff peek inside in the reflection on the glass. “What’re you still doing up?”

“Did you hear that? The music?”

Geoff grinned. “I did.”

“I… I think that was for me. They threw a couple rocks at the window before they started playing, like they were waiting for me to open it.”

“That’s adorable. Looks like someone’s got a secret admirer!” Geoff sang.

Gavin flushed. “I don’t know who it could be! I haven’t been here a month!”

“Who knows?” Geoff’s smile widened. 

Gavin looked down at the tree wistfully. “I hope I can find out soon.”

“I’m sure you will.” Geoff’s voice softened. “Get to bed, Gavvers. You gotta head out tomorrow, don’t you?” 

Gavin nodded and finally turned. “Yeah. Night, Geoff.”

“Good night, buddy.”

Gavin beat Ryan to the farm the next morning, arriving in time to see Kerry off, and he sat up on the fence, staring at the fading stars thoughtfully.

“Morning, Gav!” 

Gavin was startled by the familiar voice. “Oh! Hi, Ryan!”

Ryan laughed as he swung up on the fence to sit beside Gavin. “Did I scare you?”

“No,” Gavin said. “Just surprised me. I was thinking.”

“Uh-oh.”

“Ryan!”

The rancher grinned at him. “What are you thinking about?”

Gavin suddenly didn’t want to tell him about the mysterious guitar player last night. “Uh… stuff.”

“Stuff.” Ryan rolled his eyes. “Specific, thank you.”

“Well…” Gavin looked out over the field. “Something weird happened last night.”

“Weird how?”

“I… I got serenaded.”

“What?”

The words ran together a bit as Gavin spoke. “I was just sittin’ there reading, it was kinda late, and someone started chuckin’ rocks at my window, and when I opened it up someone started playing guitar, and God, it was lovely, but I have no idea who or why.”

Ryan was quiet.

“Ry?”

“Hmm.”

“Everything all right?”

“Oh, yes. Sorry. I guess someone likes you.”

“But I’ve no idea who it could be!”

“Could be anyone, I guess.”

“Yeah, but…” Gavin’s voice faltered. “I dunno.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah… I just wish I knew who it was.”

“What would you do if you found out?”

Gavin frowned. “I… I don’t know. It depends on who it was, I guess…”

“Hm.” Ryan adjusted his hat on his head. “Wish there was some way I could help.”

“It’s fine. Not somethin’ for you to worry yourself with.” Gavin’s fingers tapped on his leg. “Should we go get started?”

“Yep, let’s.” Ryan hopped down on the other side of the fence. Gavin followed him, nearly falling on his nose. His face heated when Ryan caught him.  _ Damn it _ , he thought bitterly, as Ryan let go of him and led the way to the horses.

They talked as they worked, as they always did. They avoided talk of the guitar player, though the music played over and over in Gavin’s mind. He cast glances at Ryan, wondering if it could possibly be him, and repeatedly berating himself for it. Of course it wasn’t him. 

Halfway through grooming the horses, Ryan suddenly straightened up. Gavin paused and listened as well, and looked up at the sound of an approaching horse.

Ryan shushed the horse he had been brushing and made his way across to the fence. Gavin shadowed him out of curiosity and stood up on the fence as Ryan vaulted over it to greet the rider.

“Michael!” Gavin yelled with a grin and an excited wave.

“Hey, boi!” Michael called over once he’d stopped his horse. “Morning, Ryan.”

“Deputy,” Ryan said pleasantly. “How’s Tashibi doing?”

Michael patted his horse’s neck. “She won’t stay in the stable. She’s not really showing yet.”

“Well, she’s only just been bred. Give her another couple weeks.” Ryan scratched the horse between the eyes. “What brings you out here?”

“Message, from Geoff.” Michael pulled an envelope from his vest.

Ryan raised his eyebrow. “Really? He asked his deputy to deliver a letter?”

Michael shrugged. “I was coming this way anyway. It’s not a huge top secret thing, it’s about the festival.”

Ryan nodded, brightening. Gavin frowned, confused. “Thanks, Michael.”

“Sure.” Michael tipped his hat and looked up to Gavin. “You workin’ today?”

“No, I’m sitting here watching Ryan do all the work.”

Michael scoffed. “Work him extra hard, Ryan.”

Ryan grinned. “There is a barn of stalls needing mucking in Gavin’s future.”

“Aw, Ryan!”

The three laughed. 

“All right, my job here is done. See you fuckers around.” Michael turned Tashibi around and with a wave, trotted off back down the road to town.

Gavin sat down as Ryan walked back over, popping open the letter. Ryan leaned against the fence to read it. Gavin was tempted to lean over and read over his shoulder, but didn’t. He opted for watching Ryan’s face instead.

His face was calm as he read, ocean colored eyes (Gavin  _ hated  _ his eyes, they were far too pretty for a person to have) flicking rapidly over Geoff’s scrawling handwriting. He furrowed his brow a few times as he read, smiled once or twice, but remained otherwise fairly passive. 

Ryan suddenly looking up to meet Gavin’s eyes startled him. Gavin didn’t show it, instead sitting up straight and giving him an expectant look. “What’s that all about?”

“Well, every year, before it starts getting cold, we have a sorta party kind of thing. A festival. It’s an all day event, everyone goes. It starts in the morning, and goes well into the night. There’s a huge bonfire and we dance and play music and tell stories. It’s a way of gettin’ the community together.”

“So that’ll be soon, won’t it?” Gavin had noticed the days beginning to shorten ever so slightly. The stars lingered longer in the mornings. 

Ryan nodded. “Next Saturday, actually. He wants help settin’ up the fire, so Matt and Jeremy and I’ll be busy next week collecting wood for that when we’re not doin’ our usual jobs.”

“Can I help?”

Ryan shrugged. “If you want. It’s just choppin’ down trees up near the mountains and cartin’ them back here to get cut up to logs. It’s hard work.”

“I wanna help! It’ll be my first festival thingy, you know?” Gavin might not be quite so strong like Ryan, but he wanted to try. The thought of new things to try was always enticing. Plus, more opportunities to be around the attractive rancher were always welcome. 

“Sure. I’ll let you know when I talk with the other boys about it.” Ryan tucked the letter in his pocket. “Also… I’ll be playing my guitar that night.”

Gavin grinned widely. “Ooh, yes! I’m excited!”

Ryan laughed. “I’m sure you are. Come on, let’s get on with the horses.”

For the rest of the day, Ryan explained the history of the festival to Gavin, and Gavin absorbed all of the information eagerly. It sounded like fun, for sure, and Ryan was quite animated as he told Gavin stories of past festivals and the time Michael got stuck in a tree for three hours trying to impress Lindsay, and the time that Burnie and Joel tried to sing a duet together when drunk and made a bull go nuts nearby.

They practiced shooting again, and Gavin was proud of how good he was getting at it. He wasn’t nearly as great of a shot as Ryan or Michael, but he could hold the gun straight and stopped flinching at the loud sound. Ryan seemed proud of him. He still wanted to show off his archery skills, but hadn’t had a chance to yet.

Gavin waited out the next couple of days impatiently. The mysterious serenader didn’t show up again, though Gavin sat by the window every night just in case. Finally, Ryan gave him news: Kerry and Matt would be caring for the horses and cattle, and he could go with Ryan and Jeremy to get one of the big trees by the mountains for the festival. They’d be going out the next day. 

Gavin was bouncing in excitement that day, which Ryan apparently found amusing. He was too hyper to shoot that day, so instead, as Ryan sat in the grass and Gavin picked wildflowers around him, they talked about anything and everything. And somehow, the conversation turned to romance.

“You ever thought about getting married?” Gavin asked as he plucked a violet flower from the grass.

Ryan froze. “I… I’ve thought, yes.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Ryan stared at the stick he was whittling. “Like I’ve said. Never met a girl I liked enough.”

“Even out here? There are lots of girls in town.”

“Yeah, I mean… they’re nice, but…” Ryan trailed off. 

“But?” Gavin pressed. 

“Nothing,” he said. “I don’t like any of them romantically.”

“What if you met a girl you liked? Would you marry her?”

Ryan’s sharp, bitter laugh startled him. “Sure I would. Find me one, won’tcha?”

Gavin straightened up and gave him a worried look. “You all right?”

“Fuckin’ great.”

“You sound… vitriolic.”

“And you say I use big words?” Ryan scoffed and jabbed irritably at the stick with his knife. “I suppose I am, though.”

“Why?”

“I... I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You can trust me, Ry.”

Ryan suddenly looked so scared, terrified, completely still for several seconds. Gavin sat down beside him, anxious. “Ry?”

Ryan shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he whispered. 

Concern for the rancher was Gavin’s only emotion. Tentatively, he reached out, and when Ryan didn’t push him away, he leaned forwards and pulled him into a hug. After a few heartbeats Ryan’s arms came up around Gavin’s torso to rest on his back. Gavin’s heart felt like one of the butterflies flitting about the field as he buried his face in Ryan’s collar. He was warm and solid and smelled like horses and sweat and pine and leather. It was nice. 

“I’m sorry,” Gavin said after a few moments. He internally flinched at his voice breaking the quiet. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Ryan replied, his voice rumbling in his chest pressed against Gavin’s.

“Whatever’s wrong, it must be pretty bad, I’m sorry for bringin’ it up.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. Maybe someday I’ll be okay talking about it, but right now…” Ryan sighed, his warm breath tickling Gavin’s neck beside his blue bandana. 

“When you’re ready,” Gavin promised, gripping Ryan tightly. “I’m here for you.”

Ryan’s hands trembled on Gavin’s spine, and he heard the older man take a shaky breath. Gavin waited, swallowing, but Ryan only let the air whoosh out from his lungs and pulled away. 

Gavin left one hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “You okay?”

“I’m… I’m fine.” Ryan looked at his knees and his forgotten whittling project. Gavin cursed himself silently when he remembered the knife Ryan had been holding. Lucky that it didn’t stab either of them.

Gavin watched him for a few seconds, thinking. Maybe… just maybe… no, no way, Ryan couldn’t be… be  _ broken _ , like Gavin was. Ryan was a good God fearing man. Not mean, not like… Gavin pushed them from his mind.

But still… Geoff, the town’s mayor, was sort of like Gavin. And apparently, Geoff had said, there were others out here. That this town… it really didn’t matter. Burnie’s teachings in church were a bit unconventional. He was more for the peace and love of God, not the terrible “all sinners go to hell” deity Gavin had been raised to fear. 

Gavin felt guilty thinking of Ryan the way he did. He didn’t dare speak of it to Geoff or to anyone else at all. He just needed to deal with it on his own, just like he’d done before. It would pass. It wasn’t right for him to speculate that Ryan was broken like he was. 

Ryan finally looked up and gave him a smile. Gavin searched him a moment longer before returning the expression and relaxing as Ryan did. 

They didn’t bring it up again.

That night, Gavin was going to stay in Ryan's house. It was for convenience, so he wouldn't have to walk so far the next morning. Gavin was nervous. He'd already left his bag containing a change of clothes and his book in one of the guest rooms, hastily set up by Ryan. He didn't get many guests. 

Dinner was quiet, a meal Gavin prepared despite Ryan still insisting otherwise. The crickets outside were loud, and there were occasional animal sounds from the farm. Other than that, it was quiet. 

“It’s kind of weird,” Gavin said after a while.

“Hm?”

“Being here, out in the middle of the plains. I mean, I grew up in a city. There was always noise, way into the night. Out here, though, it’s so quiet. There’s just the bugs and the animals and the wind.” Gavin stared at the window. “And the stars. There’s lots of them. So many stars!”

Ryan smiled. “I got something to show you, then.”

“What is it?” Gavin perked up.

“I’ll show you when we’re done eating,” Ryan promised. “It needs to get a little darker.”

Gavin waited impatiently, scarfing down his food in hopes of seeing whatever it was sooner. Ryan teased him about it, but finished up quickly. 

Ryan led Gavin up the creaking stairs to the second floor. He pulled down the ladder to the attic. Gavin looked up into the dark nervously as Ryan picked up a lamp and lit it. “Come on,” Ryan encouraged. He went up first, holding up the lamp. Gavin followed him, uneasy in the creepy space. 

There was another door up on the ceiling. Ryan handed the lamp to Gavin and tugged at it. With a grunt, he opened it. “There we go.” Ryan took the lamp back. “Okay, you trust me, Gav?”

“Y-yeah.” 

“Don’t be scared, okay?” Ryan squeezed his shoulder, and then hauled himself up out the door onto the roof. Gavin watched him set the lamp beside him and he reached down. “Come on up.”

Gavin grabbed his hands and let Ryan help him scramble up onto the roof of his house. Ryan gave Gavin a bright grin and pulled Gavin to his feet. “Don’t jump a whole lot, I don’t need the roof caving in,” he said. Gavin could tell he was joking, but walked lightly anyway. Ryan sat against the chimney, and patted beside him. Gavin slid down beside him. 

“Okay, now look up.”

Gavin did, and gasped. “Oh, Ryan…”

He’d seen the stars, of course, but this… seeing them through the window or as he was walking was nothing like this. He felt so tiny, seeing the swirls of the night sky expanding far above him. Green and blue and silver dusted over the darkness, like glittery paint trailed through thin ink. It was incredible, breathtaking.

“What do you think?” Ryan asked, his voice soft.

Gavin tore his eyes from the sight to see Ryan watching him. His eyes were bright, the blue of them almost silver in the dim light of all those stars. He was very close to Gavin. 

“It’s beautiful,” Gavin murmured. “I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

Ryan’s grin widened. 

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” Ryan said. “I didn’t put the stars in the sky.”

“But you showed them to me.”

Gavin felt the double meaning in his words as he spoke them and hoped to God that Ryan didn’t notice them.

“Anyone could have. Guess I’m just lucky.”

Gavin felt warm, and he swallowed. He felt like he was struck by tiny jolts of lightning, fidgeting where he sat next to Ryan, too close and not close enough. He couldn’t think of anything to say, too caught with Ryan’s eyes and his stubble and he dropped his gaze to Ryan’s lips and he was starting to lean in--

Fear bolted through Gavin.  _ Wrong, wrong, stop, you’re horrible, you’re disgusting,  _ his brain screamed. His fingers shook violently as panic clogged his throat and the memories, too fresh for how far away they were, filled his mind again.

Gavin wrenched himself back. He hugged his knees and turned back to look up at the sky. Ryan blinked at him a few times and Gavin tried not to look at him. Bile rose in his throat but he swallowed it back down. Gavin’s skin crawled with disgust at himself and he felt the urge to scratch at himself, tear off his flesh until he was bone and blood. His fingers clawed at his legs, but he’d trimmed his nails too short to get any purchase. He wasn’t even aware of his wheezing breath until Ryan sat forward. “Gavin? Are you okay?” His words sounded sharp, but his voice was muddled. Gavin was underwater.

Gavin didn’t react. He  _ couldn’t  _ react.

Ryan reached forward and put a hand on Gavin’s shoulder. The pressure, so sudden, made him jump. He suddenly gasped for air. “Gavin, what’s wrong?” The concern in his voice…

“I’m fine,” Gavin lied, his voice small and rasping. 

“You’re not,” Ryan said. “Look at me.”

Gavin shook his head. 

“Gavin, please… what’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit, nothing.” Ryan stared intently at Gavin, worry plain on every feature. “How can I help you?”

Gavin shook his head again. “You can’t. I… I can’t…”

“Can’t… talk about it?”

Gavin nodded.

“Okay. That’s okay. You don’t need to. It would help me understand, but not if it’s going to make you more upset.”

He was too good. He didn't deserve this. It was no wonder Gavin liked him but… 

Ryan slipped his arm around Gavin's shoulders. “Is this okay?” he asked.

Gavin wanted to say no, because it wasn't okay, Gavin knew. But he nodded, and every fiber of his being wanted Ryan holding him like this. Like more. And Ryan’s presence was comforting, as conflicted and sick as Gavin felt.

Ryan left his arm settled around Gavin’s shoulders. “Whatever is the matter, I’m sorry,” he said softly. “We can go back inside whenever you’re ready. We have a long day ahead of us.”

“Okay,” Gavin said in a small voice. “Just… a minute, okay?”

“Whenever you’re ready, Gav.”

He was too good… 

Gavin didn’t sleep well that night, his dreams full of jeers and insults and bruises staining his skin and Ryan’s disgusted angry voice telling him to leave him alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Ryan didn’t know what had changed. Worry gnawed at him, making him toss and turn in his bed. He was all too aware of Gavin, just down the hallway.

He stared at the ceiling, replaying what happened on the roof in his head. He’d been stupid, so stupid, what had he been thinking? That, what? Gavin would like him? Ridiculous. People weren’t like Ryan. It wasn’t normal.

* * *

 

Ryan could have laughed if he wasn’t so full of self loathing and anxiety. Showing Gavin the stars. Fucking stupid…

Though… for a minute, it was beautiful. A view Ryan grew up with, the night sky. Something that still caught his breath. Made him feel insignificant in the vastness of the world, of the universe. And the look of _wonder_ and _awe_ on Gavin’s face… Gavin, washed in silver light from the moon, tinged pale gold with the lamp light just right on his jaw, his mouth slightly agape as he’d taken in the sight…

Ryan thought Gavin was a million times more beautiful than the swirling galaxies expanding above them.

He’d spoken, because knowing what was in Gavin’s mind was impossible. Gavin often joked about how he was an open book, but Ryan had no idea what he was thinking most of the time. And then… then… what?

They had been close, God, so close, Ryan could feel his breath on his lips, see the green of the galaxy reflected in Gavin’s hazel eyes.

And he’d leaned in, without thinking…

He’d almost kissed Gavin…

Guilt twisted Ryan’s gut. Gavin had nearly broken down. He’d pulled away, fear clear in every movement. He’d scared Gavin.

Of course he had.

Because Ryan wasn’t normal, Ryan liked men, Ryan was a freak of nature and condemned to hell no matter what Ramsey said. Even what Burnie had said.

Stupid, stupid…

He was too scared to apologize, to acknowledge his own fuck-up, he’d just asked what was wrong. Because maybe it hadn’t been Ryan. Maybe it was something else.

He still didn’t know.

And Gavin had just murmured a good night when they were back inside and closed himself in his room. And now he was here.

Ryan threw the blankets off, despite the nighttime chill, and stood. He was too jittery to sleep. He paced the floor, the wood cold on his bare feet. He mumbled soft swears, clenching and unclenching his fists. King whined at him from his blanket on the floor. Ryan shook his head and ran his hands through his hair, over the stubble on his jaw, needing to do something besides lay and wallow.

With a frustrated curse he pulled clothes on, hasty and clumsy, and went out the door. He stopped in the hallway for a moment, watching Gavin’s door. There was nothing from it, so he assumed Gavin was sleeping. Something blocked up Ryan's throat. He grimaced and turned away. His boots were too loud on the creaking stairs as he descended.

Ryan passed through the kitchen on his intended path to the door. He stopped.

There was a single bottle of liquor in his cupboards.

Ryan didn't drink. He had it in case he had company over, but he had forgotten it was here.

Shaking fingers opened the cabinet door. The bottle sat, dusty, in the dark. Ryan stared at it.

Slowly, he reached in. The glass was cool as he closed his fingers around it. It wasn't terribly heavy.

Ryan watched the alcohol splash in tiny waves against its prison in his unsteady hand. He put his fingers to the top but did not remove the lid.

He put the bottle on the counter.

Ryan paced back, then to it again, several times, swearing softly, tugging at his hair. Time and again he'd go to open it,  but did not.

He was holding it again when a tiny voice started him.

“Ryan?”

Ryan turned wide eyes to Gavin, huddled in a blanket, in the doorway. “What are you…” he trailed off when he saw the liquor.

“What  are you doing up?”

“I heard you walk downstairs but the door didn't open. I'd thought you were going to the outhouse.”

Ryan shook his head. “Go to bed, Gavin.”

“You said you didn't like alcohol.”

“I don't.”

“Then… why…”

“It's none of your business.” it was too harsh.

“But Ryan-”

Ryan slammed down the bottle. “What did I just say?” he snapped loudly, rounding on the Englishman.

Gavin flinched back at the same time horror filled Ryan. He stepped back. “Oh… oh God… I… I didn't mean… G-Gavin, I'm so sorry…”

Gavin stared at him with his eyes too wet.

Ryan felt like he would be sick. He stepped back again. “I'm so sorry,” he whispered.

In one motion Ryan grabbed the bottle off the counter and stormed for the door. He pulled it open and lobbed the bottle as hard as he could. He heard a shatter. He leaned against the doorframe, digging his nails into his shoulders.

Silence stretched on for almost a minute. Gavin finally spoke. “Ryan?”

“I’m sorry,” Ryan repeated, his voice soft and broken. “I’m… I’m just… trying to figure something out about… things. And I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. You didn’t do anything.”

“Why did you look like you were gonna drink?” There were soft footsteps. “There’s another reason you don’t drink, isn’t there?” His voice was not unkind, soft and understanding.

Ryan’s heart ached.

He nodded.

“Come inside,” Gavin urged. “Please.”

Ryan took a shaky breath and obliged. He avoided looking at Gavin.

“Can you please tell me, Ryan? I want to understand. So I can help you, if I can. I… I care about you.”

Ryan looked up. Gavin was watching him with gentle concern on every feature, wrapped in the blanket and looking so young and innocent despite the stubble and tired lines under his eyes. Suddenly Ryan wanted to tell him everything.

“Okay,” he said. He opened his mouth again, but Gavin sat down at the kitchen table. Ryan awkwardly sat down as well. “I… I’ve only told Geoff this before. No one else knows, okay? Please, please do not tell anyone.”

Gavin nodded. “I promise, Ryan.”

“Thank you. And please don’t… don’t think of me differently.

“I was born in Georgia. My father owned a plantation. This was before the war, and we had a lot of slaves. It was a good business, not that I knew at the time. I was little. I didn’t understand. I grew up well educated. I had a private tutor and everything. Apparently I was a bit of a prodigy, learning to read and write and do arithmetic earlier than most other kids.

“My father was a busy man. Not that I knew what he was busy doing at the time, I assumed he was doing papers or something. Later I learned he was spending our money on liquor and prostitutes. My mother was too frightened of him to do anything about it or even tell me. I had my own little bubble of the world, all sunshine and rainbows.

“I was still very small when I began making friends with some of the slave children. As kids do, without much supervision. My mother didn’t care, too busy tending to the house, and it kept me out of trouble. My nanny was absolutely useless. I didn’t understand that the people working for us were not actually employed. I’d sit outside with them and shoot marbles and make dolls with the girls and catch bugs. I started teachin’ ‘em to read and write and all that when I found out they couldn’t, and they started teaching their parents in turn. I thought I was doing something good.

“It was a long time before my father figured out what I was doing, and that was the first time I saw his wrath. Saw who he really was. He burned half my books and beat me. I learned days later that he lynched one of my friend’s parents because of it.

“I stayed inside for months after that.  I was terrified. And then I got angry as my family tried to tell me that they weren’t people, because they are. It was utter bullshit. So I started sneaking out. Brought them money, food, books, clothes. I started working with the railroad. Built a hiding place for ‘em just off the property. I was damn proud of myself. Still am, there are no regrets at all.

“But…” Ryan faltered.

Gavin waited.

“I… I was in my teens. You know how those teenage years can be. And I started having some feelings for one of the slaves my father owned. Turned out they were reciprocated. And we, uh… well, you can guess.

“It went on for a while. I was planning on getting that family to safety, up in the north, in that time. My father wanted me to take over the plantation, thinking I was just like him.

“Then he found out. He was drunk, and he was furious. And he… he…” Ryan gulped at the memory. Silently he lifted up his shirt to show Gavin the faded scars on his side. Gavin looked horrified.

Ryan let the fabric fall. “I watched him start hurting them. The whole family. I was hardly conscious. But I… I couldn’t just lay there and watch. So I got up, grabbed a knife, and I stabbed my father.

“I watched my father die, his blood on my hands. Literally and metaphorically. I stared him in the eyes as he breathed his last.

“I ran away the next day. I got that family to safety. War was ravaging the country, not that I saw much, but I got them out. I was nineteen years old. Three years later, I met Geoff Ramsey  and moved into Achievement City as a ranch hand, and now I’m head rancher.”

Gavin stared at him, gaping. Ryan looked down at his hands, scarred and calloused. He waited for Gavin to say something.

He didn’t.

Gavin reached forward and grasped Ryan’s hands. Ryan met his eyes with surprise.

“I’m sorry,” Gavin said after a moment. “That all that happened to you. You didn’t deserve that.”

Ryan shook his head. “I was lucky,” he said softly. “I wasn’t one of those slaves.”

“No, and they had it worse. I know. But you can’t let someone else’s suffering trump your own, Ry. Just ‘cause someone else had it worse doesn’t mean you didn’t have a shitty childhood. But now I understand. Thank you.”

The sincerity in Gavin’s voice made him choke up, and he wanted, terribly, to tell him his darkest secret.

He didn’t.

They went silently to bed once more, but it was much more peaceful. Something was different again, and Ryan felt on edge. Not necessarily in a bad way. It felt like they were on a tipping point, and Ryan didn’t know what was over the ridge.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short, more filler than anything, but it will really pick up next chapter.   
> I also realized that there are 8 chapters, not seven. My bad.

Early the next morning, Ryan was yelling for Gavin to get up and get ready. The ranch hand was disoriented and mumbling as he stumbled into the kitchen while Ryan was making a fairly edible breakfast. The smell of food seemed to rouse him somewhat. 

“Jeremy will meet us at the farm,” Ryan said to Gavin as they ate. “He’s got the oxen and a cart, we’ll take Edgar and whichever of the horses you’d like to ride.”

“Okay,” Gavin agreed easily, his eyes a little too fogged over from sleep. Ryan chuckled at the sleepy Englishman, not allowing his mind to wander too much into thinking about seeing him like that every morning with the pale predawn light washing his skin silvery blue…

Shit, he was allowing his mind to wander too much.

Once breakfast was finished and the pair was gearing up to go, Ryan’s mind was plenty preoccupied on the trail up to the mountains. Jeremy was a good conversation partner, and got along well enough with Gavin. They joked freely with each other, Gavin dancing about on Epsilon and asking ridiculous questions. 

As they worked, Ryan’s mind was not left to fantasize. Not too much, at least. It was not easy work, and there was quite a bit to do. Gavin stayed near to Ryan and Jeremy, but his awed gaze strayed constantly to the tall forest expanding in front of them and the mountains he’d only seen on the horizon. The others let him ooh and ahh over the view and the rich piney smell from the evergreens as they looked for a good tree to bring back.

Gavin was very little help, but he did try, to his credit. When they finally picked a tree, Gavin was fetching tools and watching the animals as Ryan and Jeremy worked on cutting it down. 

From there, they had to chop it into logs to fit on the cart, which took a long time. Gavin was some help with that, at least, once Ryan showed him how to actually hold the ax properly. He mostly focused on cutting off branches, rather than the main trunk of the tree.

It was already about four in the afternoon as they were heading back to town, sore and tired and with splinters in their fingers. It was much quieter now, but no less companionable. 

By the time they got back to the farm, the sun was sinking and Kerry was turning in the horses with Matt’s help. They unloaded the logs from the cart, and Matt stole a ride back to town in the cart. The three ranchers waved them goodbye before tending to Edgar and Epsilon. 

“Do you wanna head on home, Gav?” Ryan asked as he hung up the bridles. “I can walk you back.”

Gavin made a face. “Can I just stay with you again? I’m bloody exhausted, I don’t wanna walk all the way back to Geoff’s house.”

Ryan tried not to look too eager. “Sure thing. We should turn in early, though, this is gonna be a busy week.”


	7. Chapter 7

It was indeed a very busy week, the entire town bustling and preparing for the festival. Stores of alcohol were checked, meals were planned and cooked ahead, decorations were strung. Ryan was busy with the cattle, the horses, and chopping up the logs into smaller, more easily burned pieces of varying sizes. 

Excitement mounted, and the air felt tense as the nights grew chillier. Gavin stayed most nights in Ryan’s guest room. Ryan ignored the suggestive winks and eyebrow wiggles Geoff gave him behind Gavin’s back as he dropped off a fair amount of Gavin’s, albeit already few, belongings. 

And then it was Friday night. Most of the work was done, there was not a cloud in the sky, and everyone was ready to celebrate. Some were even starting early. 

Geoff decided to throw a small party for some of his friends, nothing fancy, more of a pre-festival get together. Ryan, Gavin, Jeremy, Matt, Michael, Lindsay, Jack the doctor were all invited. They were in Geoff’s house, above the town hall, chatting over drinks. Ryan stuck with nonalcoholic beverages, of course, generously supplied by the party host, but mostly everyone else was laughing over something stronger. 

The party was fairly uneventful for a while as the sun sank away. But as the drinks began to flow and the liquor slurred tongues and swayed movements, Ryan watched in a mixture of irritation and amusement as his friends became clumsy loose-lipped fools. 

“What d’you mean, ‘e didn’ rembember it?” Gavin was asking Michael something.

“He fuckin’, like, I dunno, he didn’t know I told him not to!” Michael laughed, too loudly. “Man, that Miles, he’s a funny dude.”

“What’s he do again?” Gavin frowned, squinting into his glass like it would give him the answer.

“He’s a teacher,” Ryan answered from his seat. 

“Ryan!” Gavin exclaimed. “Thank you, lovely Ry-land!”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Maybe you should think about a different drink, there, Gav.”

“Nah, ‘m great!” Gavin leaned heavily against Michael. 

“He’s great!” Michael agreed, lifting his own glass. 

“God dammit,” Ryan said with a shake of his head. The others were all similarly inebriated, Geoff laughing hysterically with Jack and Griffon, Matt and Jeremy arguing with Lindsay about everything in the world. 

“What’re you drinkin’?” Gavin asked.

“The same thing I always drink.”

“Tea!”

“That’s right.”

“Yeah, you ‘Merican’s are so weird with your cold tea… I don’t get it.”

“We do drink it hot as well,” Ryan told him with a wry smile.

“Well, duh! That’s how you drink it!” 

“Stop moving, asshole, you’re gonna spill your drink on me,” Michael said, shoving at Gavin.

“Yeah, I’ll spill somethin’ on you.”

Ryan rubbed the bridge of his nose as the two argued and Gavin forgot half the words in the English language and Michael asked in a shrill voice, “What the fuck does that even mean?!” several times.

“Ryan, Michael’s being mean!” Gavin finally complained.

“Gavin, sit down,” Ryan said without looking up.

The Englishman plopping heavily beside him startled him. “Hi, Ryan.”

“Uh. Hello.”

Gavin was practically in Ryan’s lap, and he draped himself on the rancher. Ryan wrinkled his nose at the smell of booze. “Lovely Ryan.”

“You stink.”

Gavin giggled. Michael lost interest in the two of them and wandered off to the sound of his wife insulting Matt and Jeremy, still quite clever in her words for as many drinks as she’d had.

It then dawned on Ryan that he was alone in the room with Gavin. A very drunk and clingy Gavin. This probably would not end well. 

“You’re like a blanket, sheesh,” Ryan said, tilting his face back from Gavin’s not so pleasant breath.

“You’re warm,” Gavin replied, drawing up his feet and curling into Ryan’s side. 

“Okay... Guess I’m the blanket now.”

Gavin nuzzled his face into Ryan’s shoulder and Ryan tried not to think about how nice it would be if the lad were sober. “I like you,” Gavin announced.

Ryan froze.

“Uh. Huh?”

“Yeah.” Gavin nodded, his stubble making a scratching sound against Ryan’s shirt. “Can’t tell you sober, see, it’s weird.”

“I… I don’t understand.”

Gavin huffed. “I’m so scared when I’m sober! All kinds of… kinds of bad mem’ries, yknow? Got beat up a lot an’ shit. Excommunicated, too. Mum and Father were not happy ‘bout that, nope. Devil child and whatever.” His words were clearly honest, for as slurred as they were. “But yeah, not, uh, not good. Bad, it was a bad time. ‘S why I left, actually. Tryin’ to start a new life an’ all. Word got out and I was not gonna stick ‘round for it. Hopped on the first boat outta there.”

Ryan was watching Gavin with concern now. He’d seen Gavin buzzed before, but this… this confession… This was something else. And he hated to think of the lad being hurt, being beaten… but he could guess why.

He had to ask. “Gavin?”

“Yuh?”

“...Why? Why did all that happen?”

Gavin opened his mouth to answer but paused.

“Gav?”

“You got pretty eyes, Ry.”

Ryan had no rebuttal for that.

Gavin, apparently, wouldn’t have cared if he did, because he moved quite quickly for drunk guy. He put his hands on either side of Ryan’s face and stared, with unblinking eyes, into Ryan’s. “Ryan,” he said. His eyes were too sharp. “I’m gonna kiss you, and if you don’t want me to kiss you, then tell me.”

Ryan felt the words die on his tongue. He couldn’t say he didn’t want Gavin to kiss him, because he did, very, very much so. 

Gavin moved slowly, and he seemed almost sober, if not for the taste of alcohol on his shaky breath. He paused, his nose brushing Ryan’s, so hesitant, letting Ryan pull back if he wanted to.

Ryan did not.

Gavin’s eyes lowered and then closed as his grip on Ryan’s face slackened. He leaned in that last inch to press his lips to Ryan’s.

It wasn’t the neatest of kisses, but Ryan melted into Gavin. He didn’t realize he’d moved until his fingers were brushing the stubble on Gavin’s face. Thrills of heat shivered through Ryan’s veins. He was kissing  _ Gavin Free _ . 

With a soft gasp for air Gavin pulled back, seconds later, resting his forehead against Ryan’s. “Bloody hell,” he whispered, opening his eyes to grin at Ryan. “Let me do that again.”

Ryan’s laugh was swallowed up by Gavin’s lips, and this time Gavin’s hands slid down, one cupping the back of Ryan’s head and the other curling around his bicep. Gavin was enthusiastic, despite the clumsiness. Ryan was more hesitant, but he pulled Gavin closer, angling his face.

There was a sound, a single footstep, and it shattered Ryan’s bubble. He jerked his face away from Gavin, fear gripping his heart, snapping his head around to see who had entered the room. He instinctively clutched Gavin closer, protectively.

It was Geoff. The man was staring at them with wide eyes.

“Geoff--” Ryan started.

“Fuckin’ finally,” Geoff said. He rolled his eyes. “Don’t fuck in my living room, you two.” He tipped his glass back and wandered out of the room again.

Gavin looked up at Ryan, worried. “Are you okay, Ry?”

Ryan cupped his face and burrowed his nose in Gavin’s hair. “Fine, Gav. I’m…” Ryan let out a breathless laugh. “I’m great.”

Getting Gavin back to his house that night was a bit of a pain. Gavin was clinging to Ryan for the rest of the night, but didn’t really make any more attempts to kiss him. Ryan didn’t take any advantage of his drunken state, of course, despite Gavin’s attempts at pawing at him every now and then. The trip down the road, with Miles’ horse trailing after Edgar, was quiet aside from Gavin’s soft humming from time to time from the other gelding’s back. Jaune was quite tolerant of Gavin’s swaying and leaning heavily against his neck. Ryan watched him fondly.

Once home, and the horses put to rest for the night, Ryan sent Gavin to bed with an extra blanket. Gavin whined, latching on to Ryan and trying to feel him up a little, but Ryan only pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, hoping it would not be his last with the Englishman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year. enjoy the gay.


	8. Chapter 8

When Gavin woke up the next morning, it was because for a moment he thought someone was smashing in his skull with a hammer. He curled into himself, covering his face with a small whimper, before he realized why his head hurt so badly. He’d gotten really fucking drunk.

Wait-- he’d gotten _really fucking drunk_.

He couldn’t remember very much. Blurry, vague things. He wracked his brain trying to remember anything, but it hurt too much.

After a minute, or maybe more, he wasn’t sure, there was a soft knock at the door. He groaned at the sound. “Hey, Gavin, are you awake?”

It was Ryan. His voice sent a tingle down Gavin’s spine and set a smile on his lips and _shit what did Gavin do last night?_

“Yeah,” he rasped out. “Unfortunately.”

The door opened, and Gavin cracked open his eyes to see Ryan. “You okay?”

Gavin huffed. “God, no. Feels like my brain is a bloody coal mine and there’s a million tiny people drilling into my skull.”

Ryan laughed softly at the comparison. “Do you want me to go get Jack? I also could grab some laudanum, if you want that.”

Gavin made a face. “Just a little bit, please?”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.” Ryan gave him an almost shy smile and slipped out of the room.

Gavin pulled his pillow over his face. Whatever he’d done, it was probably stupid. At least Ryan didn’t seem angry at him or anything, so it couldn’t have been _too_ terrible.

It didn’t take too long for Ryan to return with a small brown bottle of the painkiller and a spoon. Gavin forced himself to sit up, despite the dizziness and sharp pain it caused, as he accepted the bitter medicine.

“Better?” Ryan asked.

“I will be soon,” Gavin replied, passing back the bottle and spoon with a grimace. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” Ryan fidgeted with the items for a moment. “You did drink quite a bit last night.”

Gavin sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I did. I can’t even remember anything!”

Ryan stiffened. “You don’t remember anything?”

“No, not really. I think I argued with Michael, but I always do that, so that’s nothing new, and… and…” Gavin narrowed his eyes, trying to force the memories, but none came to him. “I don’t know.”

“Oh. Okay. Uh, well, I’m gonna go put these back, okay? And make breakfast. You can come down whenever you’re ready.” Ryan’s voice sounded odd, and there was something in his face.

 _Shit_ , Gavin thought as Ryan left a little too hurriedly.

Gavin sat in bed for another couple of minutes, letting the medicine do its job and numb the ache in his head. Then he got dressed, prepared for the weather and the upcoming festivities for the day, and felt a thrill of excitement at the reminder of the town-wide party.

He came downstairs to the smell of burning eggs and shoved Ryan away from the stove to rescue the meal. “Go get drinks or something, you dumb idiot,” he said, elbowing Ryan in the ribs with a fond smile.

Ryan’s uneasy laugh and haste to move away bothered Gavin. He frowned at the pan in front of him.

Breakfast was too awkward, neither one willing to talk, though there were questions churning unspoken as they ate. Gavin kept watching Ryan, while Ryan avoided looking at him. Gavin searched every corner of his brain trying to remember something, anything, other than a vague feeling of contentment and the taste of whiskey.

Of course, Gavin had no chance after to discuss anything, because then the fun began. They went into town, and everyone was out. Colorful decorations fluttered in the breeze, laughter and music drifted through the air, and the smells of meats and desserts wafted from almost every window. Every nonessential business was closed down for the day as neighbors wandered the dirt road greeting each other and exchanged pleasantries and small gifts.

“Gavin! Ryan!”

Both of them looked up as Michael and Lindsay approached. A grin was split across Gavin’s face as the atmosphere was getting to him. “Hi, guys!” Gavin chirped.

“So what do you think, Gavvers?” Michael asked, his own face brightening to match Gavin’s.

“It’s lovely! I don’t know what to do first!”

Michael laughed. “Ryan, I’m stealing Gavin, okay?”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Sure, kid’s all yours, if he wants to go, at least. I’m not his mother.”

Gavin gave a squeaky laugh at the thought. “Come on, Michael, let’s go do something! I’ll find you later, okay, Ryan?”

“Have fun,” Ryan said.

Michael grabbed Gavin’s arm and yanked him away, Lindsay keeping pace easily. “Come on!”

There were all sorts of things happening, it was almost dizzying. It was definitely a lot of fun, though. Gavin got a few little gifts, tried a delicious apple pie, and nearly threw up when Michael agreed to eat a spoonful of dry spices for a bet. Lindsay found it hilarious. She was also pleased with the cash a watery-eyed Michael handed her.

Gavin nearly forgot about what happened that morning, and it came back to him in a jolt when he was at the bar later that day and spotted Geoff walking in.

Gavin waved to Geoff and the mayor took a seat beside the Englishman. Michael and Lindsay had excused themselves a few minutes before.

“Hey, Geoff!”

“Afternoon, Gav. So how's it going?”

Gavin's face lit up.  “Oh, this is so much fun! We never had anything really like this in England. And it's not even over till way later! I'm excited!”

Geoff raised a hand to the bartender. “Glad you're having a good time. Where's Ryan, speaking of which?”

Gavin frowned. “I dunno.  I was with Michael all day, once Ry and I got here. I haven't seen him.”

“Mmm,” Geoff hummed thoughtfully. “What, uh… Did anything interesting happen this morning,then?”

“Like at the festival?”

Geoff eyed Gavin for a minute. “Do you remember anything that happened last night?”

Gavin shook his head. “No, not really. Ry didn’t tell me anything either.”

Geoff sighed. “Of course he didn’t.”

“Why? What happened?” Gavin sat up straight, his heart squeezing uncomfortably in his chest.

Geoff turned his face to look Gavin in the eye. “You kissed him, Gavin.”

The world ground to a halt.

“No,” Gavin whispered.

“Or maybe he kissed you, I don’t know. All I know is that at some point before you left, you were practically in the guy’s lap glued to his fuckin’ face. I was the only person who saw it, if that makes you feel any better.”

“Oh… shit… shit…” Gavin’s knuckles were white as he gripped the countertop. “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I did that.”

“You okay?” Geoff sounded concerned, putting a gentle hand on Gavin’s shoulder.

“Oh, god, he hates me, doesn’t he? I’m so _stupid,_ I can’t believe I’m so… fucking stupid…”

“Gav, buddy, no.” Geoff’s arm moved around Gavin’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug. “He doesn’t hate you.”

“D-do you hate me?”

Geoff swallowed, soft sympathy in his eyes. “No, of course not! Gavin, I know how you feel. Griffon and I both, we both have that thing too.”

“B-but…” Gavin’s skin crawled, and he wanted to vomit. Disgust filled him to the brim and the scars on his arms and torso burned with phantom pain.

“And really, Ryan didn’t seem to be complaining at all.”

Gavin froze.

“I…” Geoff sighed. “I really shouldn’t tell you, but since you’re involved now, Ryan’s gonna have to fucking deal with it.

“He’s the same way. That’s why he moved out here. I brought him out here ten years ago. I met him in a shady bar, and well. The guy’s pretty damn great in bed. I was picking up a cousin from the east, and Ryan tagged along on the way back. We haven’t been together since I married Griffon. It was only a few times and we ended it because neither of us really had any romantic feelings.

“He came in here the other night to talk to me about you. He likes you. A lot.”

Gavin gaped at him for several seconds. Finally, he spoke. “He… he said that?”

“Yep. He was real worried about even hinting at it to you, for what I guess is the same reason you kept it secret.” Geoff lifted his drink. “He’s been freaking out about it. About you.”

“... Wait, you-- you… you had sex with Ryan?!”

Geoff snorted into his drink. “Yes, I did, a few times, years ago. He is an attractive motherfucker, always has been, or at least has been for the past eleven years or so.  Honestly, I think I could’ve been happy with him, y’know? But it just... didn’t feel… something. Romantic. Now, the way that man looks at you?” Geoff gave Gavin a grin. “You’ve seen the way Michael looks at Lindsay.”

Gavin let out a soft sound of surprise. “I… yeah. Ryan… Ryan looks at me like that?”

“Mmm. Like he’s seeing the stars for the first time.”

Gavin stared up at Geoff with wide eyes, but his mind was a week in the past, remembering how he’d felt looking up to the sky with Ryan on the roof. Feeling small and awed at how magnificent and bright the stars were, that he was blessed to live in the same universe that had such a beautiful thing. Feeling that same way about Ryan.

Geoff ruffled Gavin’s hair, startling him. “There’s another thing… but, no, nevermind. You’ll find out soon enough.”

“Wait, what is it?”

“Something else about Ryan.” Geoff’s voice was light, almost anticipatory. “At the bonfire, he’ll show you.”

“When is it?”

Geoff glanced at the windows. “Soon, actually. It’s getting dark. They’ll be lighting it about now to let it start getting big for when everyone goes out. Stay here for a while, alright? Give it some time.”

Geoff bought Gavin a drink, and the two sat together as the sky darkened outside, Geoff telling stories about Ryan to an attentive Gavin. Apparently Ryan was just as accident prone as Gavin was, much to his amusement. Who knew that sneezing could scare a bull into a frenzied chase? Ryan did now, according to Geoff’s story.

Eventually the bar started to clear out as people headed outside town to the bonfire. Geoff downed the rest of his drink and told the bartender to close up early and head down. “Come on, Gav, don’t wanna be late.”

Gavin scoffed as the two stood. “Yeah, you are a very important person and all.”

“Damn right I am,” Geoff said. He was smiling though. Gavin walked a little behind Geoff as they exited the bar and followed the rest of the townspeople ambling along the street in small groups or pairs. No one was in any hurry, except for the kids, of course, urging along their amused parents and friends.

Gavin gasped aloud when he saw the bonfire. It was enormous and frankly intimidating. Gavin feared for several moments that surely a fire that big would catch the town aflame and burn everything to the ground, but relaxed when he saw the distance between it and anything flammable, and the sets of blankets and buckets of water off to one side. People were already crowding around the fire to bask in the radiating warmth, chasing the evening chill away.

“So what do we do?” Gavin asked Geoff.

Geoff shrugged. “There’s some food, if you want it. We just hang out and talk, mostly. Enjoy the company. Some people will play instruments or show off magic tricks and stuff. It’s a party, there’s no set event schedule.”

“Who’s tending it?”

“Ryan, Kerry, Matt, Jeremy, Adam. Probably a couple other people, too. There are plenty of people watching it, don’t worry.”

Geoff headed for one of the logs by the fire, where Burnie was sitting with his fiance Ashley. Gavin stood awkwardly for a moment until Michael suddenly was practically pouncing on him with a shout of “Gavvy, my BOI!”

“Hey, boi!” Gavin replied with a grin.  “Where's Lindsay?”

“Talking to Meg,” Michael said. “Girl stuff.”

Gavin snorted. “Alright then.”

“So you want a drink?” Michael was already ambling toward the table set up with refreshments.

“Nah, I just had a few with Geoff,” Gavin said.

“Suit yourself,” Michael said with a shrug. “You were there with him for a while, what were you guys talking about?”

Gavin's nails were suddenly very interesting. “Just stuff,” he said vaguely.

Michael eyed him for a moment.  “If you say so.”

Gavin quickly changed the subject and asked how the winter would affect crops.  For once he was glad to be arguing about something so menial.

After a while, a couple of the other people in town started performing. Magic tricks, dance routines, music, singing, storytelling. Gavin and Michael sat to watch and listen and applaud. Miles’s acting skit with Kerry was hilarious, and who knew that Jon Risinger was such a good singer in his duet with Barbara?

It was getting quite late, and most of the chatter had died into soft murmurs as the fire rumbled and the crickets sang in the field. Finally a voice spoke up loud enough for everyone to hear. “Ryan, play something!”

Heads turned eagerly to Ryan, and Gavin felt his heart stumble when he spotted the rancher, finally, poking at the fire with a stick. His face was flushed from the heat of the flames and the sudden attention. He looked over and met Ryan’s eyes and gave him a timid smile.

Ryan passed the stick off to Matt and stepped out of Gavin’s line of sight. After a moment, he was walking over to where Gavin and Michael were sitting, guitar case in one hand. “Mind if I sit over here?” he asked.

“Sure, man,” Michael said, and the pair moved down so that Ryan could sit at the end of the log. A small crowd gathered, obviously eager to hear Ryan play. Ryan took his time, taking the guitar out and tuning it. Gavin shifted to straddle the log to see Ryan better, and Michael leaned on Gavin’s back, his chest comfortably warm in the evening chill.

Geoff was grinning, and it widened when Ryan glanced up to look at him. Griffon stood beside Geoff, wearing one of his jackets and watching with a smile. Gavin’s attention was drawn back to Ryan when he tested a couple of chords.

The instrument rested on Ryan’s leg, and it was a good fit for Ryan, and Gavin felt a little too warm admiring the curves of Ryan’s body around the guitar. That guilt for it was still there, but dulled, and Gavin was excited to see Ryan on a horse again, aiming a gun again, whitling again, with this new perspective in Gavin’s mind.

Ryan slid his fingers along the neck a few times, indecisive. His too blue eyes flickered over to Gavin and after catching his eye, something seemed to change. The expression on Ryan’s face softened, and while uncertainty was in his eyes, Gavin could see the gears in his head turn.

Ryan kept Gavin’s eye as he played the first few chords.

And. Oh.

_It had been Ryan all along._

The song was slightly faster, but it was the same one, the same tune that had been played for Gavin outside his window. Gavin’s jaw dropped, and he couldn’t move his eyes from Ryan, from his fingers dancing across the strings, the gentle sway of his body to the rhythm. Starting so hesitant, growing stronger, more passionate.

And he finished the song.

It became sad, and then almost afraid, and then so tender and Gavin realized it was a rendition of the time Gavin had spent here, spent with Ryan. The way Ryan’s feelings had changed. The events clicked into place. Gavin’s arrival, their budding friendship, the first night they spent together and looked at the stars and Gavin was so afraid and Ryan nearly drank, and he’d done it because he was scared, too, Gavin realized, scared for just the same reason Gavin had been.

It was sweet with the event that had happened last night, and when it trailed off uncertainly, Ryan looked up at Gavin with nervousness on his face. Gavin rubbed at his eyes, not realizing that he’d started to cry, and nodded at him with a smile. Ryan let out a soft sound, and the ending of the song was gentle and beautiful.

Silence but for the crickets met the end of the song. Fear gripped Gavin. But after a few heartbeats of Ryan and Gavin staring at each other, the small crowd broke out into applause. Geoff whistled, and Michael laughed and elbowed Gavin, nudging him closer to Ryan. Gavin’s face heated. He’d been so scared that the townspeople would be horrified, disgusted, kick him out, but they were cheering.

“It’s about fucking time,” Michael’s voice said behind Gavin. “You two have been staring at each other like lost puppies finding a new home since you got here.”

Gavin squeaked at that, and Ryan, looking flustered, laughed too. Ryan sat up and put his guitar back in the case. The crowd began to shuffle off again, but Gavin’s friends stayed. Geoff walked over and ruffled his hair.

“Geoff!” Gavin protested.

Geoff grinned. “See, buddy? No one minds here. You’re safe, okay?”

Gavin glanced down, and Geoff’s next touch was a somewhat awkward but no less heartfelt hug. Michael threw his own arms around the pair. “Dude,” he said, his voice a little loud in Gavin’s ear, “as long as you’re happy, it doesn’t matter if you like men. Ryan’s a swell guy.”

“You guys are too nice,” Gavin mumbled into Geoff’s shirt.

Geoff moved suddenly and Ryan made a startled noise. Gavin felt Ryan being shoved unceremoniously against him. “It’s hug time,” Geoff announced. “Jack, Jeremy, you too, get over here!”

Gavin just barely could see the bearded doctor coming over, looking amused, from over Geoff’s shoulder. Jeremy was too short to see him, but Gavin knew he was there anyway as they all piled on top of him and Ryan, laughing.

Ryan was more than happy to lean into Gavin and loop an arm around him. Geoff planted a kiss, with evident familial affections, on top of their heads, as the hug pulled apart. Ryan left his arm around Gavin, and Gavin let his head fall on the gent’s shoulder.

Someone came rushing over then, to talk with the mayor about something, and Geoff was dragged off. Jack congratulated the two, telling them jokingly to be careful when they had sex, earning a shocked squawk from Gavin and roaring laughter from Michael and Jeremy.

“Who are we getting together next?” Michael asked as Jack was pulled away by his wife. “Matt and Jeremy?”

Jeremy scoffed. “Yeah, no thanks. I’m absolutely fine being nothing more than friends with him, seriously.”

“Miles and Kerry?”

“Now there’s an idea.”

The two delved into planning while Ryan and Gavin embraced the privacy they had now.

“So…” Gavin started. “Does this… does this make us...”

“It doesn’t make us anything more than you want it to,” Ryan said. “I… I really like you. Obviously, I guess.”

“Geoff told me,” Gavin blurted. “About you. And about him, too.”

Ryan huffed. “God dammit, Geoff. He’s not wrong, okay? Nothing really came of it, as you can tell.”

“Yeah, he said as much. He also said I was the only person he’s ever told, ‘cause I was involved.”

Ryan looked relieved at that. “I understand. I guess I have to thank him, honestly.”

“Yeah.” Gavin smiled up at Ryan. “I like you, too. A lot.”

“A little too early for any other ‘L’ words, right?”

Gavin laughed. “Yeah, but I’m more than willing to give it a try.”

“Me too.” Ryan pressed his forehead to Gavin’s. “We have lots of time, all the time in the world, if you want.”

“Yeah!” Gavin tried not to sound too enthusiastic and failed. “So… I’m going back to your house, right?”

Ryan smiled. “If you want.”

“Do I still have to sleep in the guest room?”

“Well, let’s not go too far just yet,” Ryan cautioned. “As, well, um, much as I’d like to, maybe we should wait and see before we get to much.”

“Sure,” Gavin agreed easily. “But still. It would be warmer in one bed.”

“You’re not wrong.”

Gavin grinned at him. After a few seconds of silence, a thought occurred to him. “Oh… Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to bring up bad memories or anything but… the slave you said you… was that person…”

Ryan’s eyes dropped. “He was a really great man,” Ryan said. “I liked him a lot. I haven’t had any contact with him in a very long time, but as far as I know, he and his family are safe in Canada.”

“I’m sorry,” Gavin said softly.

“No, not your fault. It’s… it’s different now. With you. Here. People are different here. No one cares what a person has done or who they love or anything like that. As long as you’re a good person and work hard.”

“It’s lovely here,” Gavin murmured. “I wouldn’t trade this for the world.”

“Me either.”

Gavin pulled Ryan’s face to look at him properly, and the fire and the stars reflected in his eyes. Gavin could stare into them forever.

Ryan, apparently, had other ideas, as he leaned forward to kiss him.

Gavin could do that forever, too, he decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!  
> I'd like to give a huge shoutout to my friends who helped me write this and beta read it for me: [Youkoartemis](youkoartemis.tumblr.com) , [thebookwormbakery](thebookwormbakery.tumblr.com) , [olliedollie1204](olliedollie1204.tumblr.com/) , [satansprettyprose](satansprettyprose.tumblr.com) , and [eww-people](eww-people.tumblr.com) . All of these are links to their tumblr blogs and most of them are writers, so give them some love!  
> There may be sequels or additional one shots for this AU in the future, so if you like this one, keep an eye out!


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